Funny Wedding Ceremony Script with Simple Unity Ritual

Procession

• The couple enter the ceremony space, either walking down the aisle separately, together while holding hands, or enter from the side. 

Invocation

Officiant to reception 

Welcome and thank you, family and friends, for being here today, to witness this public celebration of two beautiful people’s love for each other. 

I asked the couple what they wanted me to include in this ceremony, and they told me to keep things light and funny... but most importantly,  to keep it short. I’m guessing we all want to hit that open bar a little earlier today...

You’ve been asked here today because you are all an important part of _________ and _________’s life. Maybe you were that childhood friend who taught _________ that bugs don’t actually taste that great, or who showed _________ how to sneak out of her bedroom window at night -- don’t worry, we won’t name names, but we’re glad you’re here. I know some of you definitely held _________’s hair back in college after those infamous _________ (name of school, sorority, or fraternity) parties. And a few of you have only met these two recently, as the incredibly good-looking power couple they’ve become. 

 

Officiant to couple

You two really glowed-up together! 

Officiant to reception

Regardless of how you first met these two, _________ and _________ are happy you made it here, to show your love and support for this momentous occasion… And of course to get free food and drinks! 

As they share the next decades of their life together, they’re going to experience their fair share of ups and downs. But one thing I know about these two, is that they complete each other perfectly, and are happiest when they’re together. 

They’re like chips and guacamole, peanut butter and jelly, chocolate sauce and milk! You just can’t have one without the other!!! Once you put ‘em together, you can’t take ‘em apart. They’re better together and bonded for life.

So now I’m going to ask them if they’re willing to do this chemistry experiment with me, with all of us, and publicly declare their love and commitment to one another.

Unity ceremony 

Officiant to couple 

Are you two ready? 

• Officiant holds up a bottle of chocolate sauce and a cup of milk, and offers them to the couple. 
• The couple laugh and accept, one taking the chocolate sauce and one taking the glass of milk.
• The chocolate sauce is poured into the milk, and the officiant offers a spoon to stir it with. Once it’s mixed, the couple both take a sip!
• To personalize this script, substitute any two things that the couple loves that go great together (as long as they don’t make too much of a mess) -- such as ice cream and sprinkles; Cap’n Crunch and milk; salt and pepper.

Exchange of Vows and Declaration of Intent

Officiant to couple 

Delicious! Just like your love. You can hang on to that, in case you get thirsty during the vows.

• Officiant gestures to the glass of chocolate milk

Officiant to Partner A

_________, do you take _________ to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife/partner, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do you part?

Partner A 

I do.

Officiant to Partner B

_________, do you take _________ to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife/partner, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do you part?

Partner B

I do.

Exchange of Rings

Officiant to couple

The wedding ring serves as a reminder of the promises you make today to each other. 

The circle is a symbol of an eternal bond -- there is no beginning and no end. That means you two are stuck with each other! 

Officiant to Partner A

_________, place this ring on _________’s finger and repeat after me. 

• Partner A repeats each of these lines in turn

I give you this ring as a symbol of my commitment and devotion.

I choose you to share in my life’s journeys. 

I give you this ring as a pledge to love you, 

today, tomorrow, always, and forever.

With no take-backs.

Officiant to Partner B

_________, place this ring on _________’s finger and repeat after me. 

• Partner B repeats each of these lines in turn

I choose you to share in my life’s journeys. 

I give you this ring as a pledge to love you, 

today, tomorrow, always, and forever.

With no take-backs.

Pronouncement

Officiant to couple

You really did it!

Officiant to reception:

Look at these two! They’re really doing it. 

Officiant to couple

_________ and _________, we wish you both tons of joy and love and happiness in the future. 

Remember this, as you head out into the world as newlyweds -- Keep your home full of laughter, your fridge full of good food and drinks, and your hearts full of honesty. If you can do this, I promise you’ll have an amazing life. 

By the strength of your love and the power vested in me by the State of _________ and American Marriage Ministries, I pronounce you married!

• Or substitute 'married' with 'husband and wife,' 'wife and wife,' 'husband and husband,' 'partners,' etc.

Officiant to couple

You may kiss!

Recession

• The ceremony is over, the couple leave the space amidst happy cheers and head to the reception party.