Atheist Wedding Ceremony Script with Funny Unity Toast

Procession

• [Guests are seated, wedding attendants & couple enter, ceremony begins]

Invocation & Opening Words on Marriage

Officiant to Gathering

Friends and family, 

We’re gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of two of our favorite people, [PARTNER A] and [PARTNER B]. 

These two wonderful people demonstrate what real love is all about – respect, patience, trust, a great sense of humor, admitting when you’re wrong, and being incredibly good-looking and/or charismatic…

[PARTNER A] and [PARTNER B] put each other first, every time, any time. They’re the kind of partners in crime that will make incredible partners in marriage.  

Now, they’re ready to make their partnership official, as [husband and wife].

A true marriage begins before the wedding day, and the promises of marriage must be renewed every day to come. 

Marriage is about faith (insert record scratch sound). Don’t worry, I’m not talking about faith in some ethereal being lurking in the clouds, or some mythological god who’s never around when the rent’s due. It’s about having faith in each other, having faith in your commitment, and trusting that no matter what the future brings, you have each other’s backs. 

Someone once said, “A shared sorrow is cut in half; a shared joy is doubled.” That’s the marriage we wish for you. Because the purpose of this finite human life is joy and love.  

Declaration of Intent

Officiant to Couple

[PARTNER A] and [PARTNER B], are you ready to marry each other, supported by your closest family and friends?

[PARTNER A] and [PARTNER B]

We are! 

Officiant to Couple

Do you promise to cherish, support, and entertain each other, today, tomorrow, and for as long as your love shall last?
 
[PARTNER A] and [PARTNER B]

We do! 

Exchange of Written Vows

Officiant to Couple & Gathering

Magnificent! 

[PARTNER A] and [PARTNER B] have written vows for each other. These are the personal promises of marriage they make for their shared life ahead. 

Officiant to Partner A

[PARTNER A], will you go first? 

• [PARTNER A reads his / her / their marriage vows]

Officiant to Partner B

[PARTNER B], please read your vows when you’re ready.

• [PARTNER B reads his / her / their marriage vows]

Exchange of Rings & Funny Unity Toast

• [The guest or ring bearer with the rings should be seated or standing near the front of the ceremony. A table with two glasses and a bottle of the couple’s drink of choice should be placed near the couple before the ceremony begins, or another guest – the Wine Bearer, perhaps – will bring up two glasses and a bottle to serve the couple.]

Officiant to Ring Bearer

[Honored Guest / Ring Bearer], it’s time for the rings! And a drink… 

• [The Ring Bearer brings the rings to the front and passes them to the marriers. If there’s a Wine Bearer, they will step forward, too.]

Officiant to Gathering & Couple

As a physical symbol of these promises and their lasting commitment, [PARTNER A] and [PARTNER B] will exchange rings and seal the deal with a toast. 

[PARTNER A] and [PARTNER B], please exchange your rings now, and raise a glass. 

• [Officiant waits while the couple exchanges wedding rings and then lift their glasses.] 

Officiant to Couple

Repeat after me, 

“I make you this promise, 
I give you this ring, 
Now let’s toast and kiss, 
So we can consummate this thing!” 

Alternative / Less-irreverent version:
 
“I make you this promise, 
And with this ring I do swear, 
To love you for all my life, 
And to always be there.” 

Let’s see that toast! 

• [The Couple toasts.]

Pronouncement of Marriage

Officiant to Couple

By the power entrusted in me by AMM, the internet, the both of you, and the fine State of [Name of State], it is my honor and privilege to pronounce you married. 

You may kiss! 

Recession

• [Newlyweds & wedding attendants exit, ceremony ends.]