5 Unity Ceremonies for a Polyamorous Wedding with 3 or More Partners

Plan the Poly Marriage Ceremony of Your Dreams (and Yours, and Yours, and Yours Too!) With a Simple Unity Ceremony

 

 

The more the marrier! Here are a few polyamorous wedding ideas to help you celebrate your lasting commitment to three, four, or more people.

 

But first… Are polyamorous weddings legal? 

 

Before we dive in, it’s important to emphasize that legal marriage is between two partners at a time: Only two people can be legally married to each other at one time. Filing legal paperwork to marry more than one person at a time is called bigamy and it’s illegal in every state–don’t do it! 

 

So, how do polyamorous weddings work? 

 

Symbolic rituals of love and commitment between multiple people are fine however, as long as it’s very clear during the wedding ceremony that the legal marriage is between only two people in your polycule. This sometimes comes up in a triad wedding, which must be approached as a legal marriage between two people, with a symbolic commitment to a third. Make sense? 

 

If you’re not holding a legal marriage ceremony and there is no marriage license, that’s called a commitment ceremony. A poly commitment ceremony is symbolic (not legally binding) and is always ok! Symbolic ceremonies can unite as many people as you wish, and don’t require any legal paperwork.

 

Remember: It’s best to avoid words like ‘marriage’ or ‘spouse’ during a commitment ceremony, because these words have legal meaning and using them can put your officiant in a questionable legal position.

 

If you’re already married and want to make a commitment to a new person, or want to welcome another person into your marriage, this can be done as a poly commitment ceremony or symbolic vow renewal. Your ceremony won’t be a ‘wedding’ because you’re already married.

 

• Polyamorous Commitment Ceremony: Advice for Officiants on What to Say, Where to Stand, and More
• Everything You Need to Know About a Vow Renewal Ceremony
• What happens during a commitment ceremony?

The unity rituals below are designed for weddings between two people, who want to include others in their wedding ceremony in a symbolic way.

 

Next, ask a friend or relative to officiate your wedding ceremony as an online ordained minister with AMM!

 

Your chosen wedding officiant can get ordained online with American Marriage Ministries for free; then use our free Officiant Training resources to plan a personal and meaningful wedding ceremony. Click the links below to get started: 

 

• Get Ordained Online to Officiate a Wedding
• Weddings By State: Officiant Registration Requirements
• Free Wedding Officiant Training & Advice

 

 

Photo: IherPhoto / iStock

Make sure you understand the differences between a poly commitment ceremony and a poly marriage ceremony before you write your ceremony script, and avoid words like 'marriage' or 'spouse' during a symbolic ceremony.

 

 

5 Polyamorous Wedding Ideas: Unity Ceremonies for Three, Four, or More

 

 

1. Polyamorous Handfasting Ceremony for Three, Four, or More 

 

A symbolic handfasting ceremony is a perfect choice for three, four, or more people! 

 

During a handfasting ritual for multiple people, each person will place their hands together in the center of the circle (or semi circle). You can place your hands one on top of the other, or cross arms to clasp each other’s wrists. Your officiant will say a few words above love and commitment while wrapping colorful ribbons or cords around your hands, and then tie the cords into a knot. This knot symbolizes your unbreakable bond. 

 

Each person can choose the color of their ribbon or cord, representing their unique personality, triumphs, dreams, and values. The cords represent the individuals, while the knot represents their unity, love, and the promises they share.

 

Need help with your handfasting ceremony wording? Click the links below for more handfasting ideas and inspiration, including how to tie a handfasting cord: 

 

• Handfasting Ceremony Scripts
• Handfasting Ideas and Inspiration
• 3 Easy Ways to Tie a Handfasting Cord - Choosing a Simple Knot

 

Photo: Sidney de Almeida / iStock

How long should a handfasting cord be? A handfasting cord should be about 4 to 6 feet long; choose a longer length when involving more people. If you're cord is braided, measure it after braiding. (A handfasting cord that's too long will still work, but a cord that's too short can be a problem!) Choose meaningful colors that symbolize your personality, your values, and the energy you want to bring into your union.

 

2. Poly Unity Candle Ceremony with Multiple People

 

A unity candle ceremony is a sweet, simple, and inexpensive choice for your poly commitment ceremony or wedding! 

 

You’ll need one small taper candle for each person included, and one large candle which you will all light together–the unity candle! 

 

Your taper candles can be all one color, or different colors that symbolize the different qualities and personalities you each bring to the whole. During the ceremony, you’ll light your taper candles while the officiant says a few words about what brings you together. Together, you’ll use your taper candles to light the larger unity candle, symbolizing the light of your love, your unbreakable bond and collective promise, and the bright future ahead.

 

Need help with your unity candle ceremony wording? Click the links below for sample officiant scripts and more unity candle ideas and inspiration: 

 

• How to Perform a Unity Candle Ceremony (for Wedding Officiants)
• FAQs About the Unity Candle Ceremony, Including When, How, Who, Where, and Why!
• How To: Unity Candle Ceremony Video Demonstration

 

Photo: V&G Studio / iStock

When do you light the unity candle? A unity candle ceremony usually takes place right after the exchange of vows and rings. But this isn’t set in stone – some couples prefer to light the candle before exchanging vows. For answer to more common questions about this popular wedding tradition, read: FAQs About the Unity Candle Ceremony, Including When, How, Who, Where, and Why!

 

3. Unity Sand Ceremony (Sand Pouring Ceremony)

 

Sand blending ceremonies have been a symbolic wedding ritual for centuries!

 

During a unity sand ceremony, each person who participates is given a small container of colorful sand which symbolizes their individual path and unique qualities. The officiant will say a few words about love and commitment, and then you will take turns with your partners pouring sand into a larger clear vase or hourglass, layer by layer, until it is full. This works for a unity sand ceremony with three colors, four colors, or more!

 

The colors of sand will remain layered in some places, and blend together to create new colors in other places. This beautiful ritual symbolizes both the individual, where the colors shine alone, and the collective bond, where the colors blend and meld to form something new. The blended sand can never be separated again, just as you are now inseparable in your love!

 

Need help with your unity sand ceremony wording? Click the links below for sample officiant scripts and more unity sand pouring ceremony ideas and inspiration, including unique alternatives to sand: 

 

• Unity Sand Ceremony Scripts
• How to Perform a Unity Sand Ceremony (for Wedding Officiants)
• Lighthearted Wording for Your Hourglass Sand Ceremony
• More Sand Ceremony Ideas and Inspiration
• Don’t Use Sand! Creative Alternatives for Your Sand Ceremony

 

 

Photo: Adventure_Photo / iStock

When do you do the unity sand ceremony during a wedding or commitment ceremony? This ritual usually comes after the wedding vows or ring exchange, but you can include it at any time. 

 

 

4. Poly Wedding Rings Exchange 

 

An exchange of wedding rings is one of the most popular wedding traditions and is a widely recognized symbol of love and lasting commitment. The symbolic act of exchanging rings is not legally binding, which means that you can exchange rings with as many people as you choose during your wedding ceremony. 

 

It’s best to avoid any wording that suggests you’re getting married to multiple people, or that your marriage is between multiple partners; instead, choose wording that focuses on your love and commitment.

 

Poly wedding rings can be any style you like: traditional wedding rings in silver or gold, claddagh rings, or vintage rings with colorful stones or settings. You might choose to exchange rings that match each other, as a symbol of equality in the relationship. Or choose individual wedding rings that speak to each person’s unique style, personality, and qualities. 

 

Need help with your ring exchange wording? Click the links below for more ring exchange ideas and inspiration, including sample officiant wording and sample wedding scripts: 

 

• AMM Wedding Officiant Training: The Rings Exchange Explained
• Basic Non Religious Wedding Ceremony Script With Rings Exchange
• 12 Examples of Wedding Ring Exchange Wording for the Creative Officiant

 

Add personal polyamorous wedding vows to your ring exchange!

 

• Sample Vows for Polyamorous Wedding & Commitment Ceremonies

 

 

Photo: xavdlp / iStock

Wedding rings are a popular symbol of love and commitment! You can exchange rings with as many people as you want to during a symbolic ceremony. 

 

 

5. Unity Tree Planting or Wildflower Planting Ceremony

 

Unity tree wedding ceremonies are a beautiful way to symbolize the way your love and commitment will grow over time, providing a canopy of safety and support as you put down roots as a new family. They're also a great eco friendly wedding idea!

 

Unity tree planting ceremonies can take place during an outdoor wedding ceremony by planting a sapling in the ground near your home or in a small container, or indoors by using a planter box or container. Each partner will take turns adding soil to the container until the tree is planted. 

 

This unique tree wedding ceremony can also be modified in many ways to suit your style! For example, you can use a watering can to water a tree that is already planted–such as an older tree in a favorite park that you all love to visit together. A tree watering ceremony symbolizes your promise to nurture and tend to your love, so that it continues to grow for years to come.

 

Or plant a mix of wildflower seeds in a garden or planter box! This option is a great choice for families in apartments or who don’t have much outdoor space. Take turns sprinkling a mixture of seeds into the soil and then water them with a small watering can. This symbolizes the ‘seeds’ of your future, and your promise to nurture each other and your shared goals as a family. 

 

Need help with the wording of your unity tree ceremony? Click the link below for a sample wedding ceremony script and more tree planting and unity flower planting ideas and inspiration: 

 

• Simple Wedding Script with Tree Planting Unity Ceremony
• How to Add a Tree Planting Ceremony to Your Wedding
• Plan and Officiate a Spring Equinox Wedding with Community Flower Ceremony

 

 

Photo: Dmytro Botvinovskyy / iStock

The unity tree wedding tradition has been around for centuries, with different variations. Marry under your favorite tree, plant a sapling in your yard or in a container, choose a dwarf fruit tree or rosh bush instead, or create a symbolic watering ritual. Need a unity tree wedding script? Try this one! Simple Wedding Script with Tree Planting Unity Ceremony
 

 

 

Become a Wedding Officiant with AMM and Officiate a Wedding! 

 

American Marriage Ministries is a nondenominational inclusive internet church that ordains and trains ministers to officiate marriage ceremonies. We are a recognized 501(c)(3) nonprofit church, and welcome people of all backgrounds and beliefs.

 

Officiating weddings is an incredible honor, and a great way to show your love and support for the people getting married. As a wedding officiant, you will help to create memorable ceremonies and memories that last a lifetime.

 

Our ordinations are free, accessible, and never expire. Just click here to start the online ordination application, it only takes a minute to complete.

 

AMM Ministers are authorized to officiate weddings in every state* (it's much harder in Virginia, where we're looking into our options). After getting ordained with AMM, you might need to register your ordination with your local county clerk’s office. Click the links below to get started! 

 

• Become an AMM Minister today!
• Weddings by State: Officiant Registration Requirements

 

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You might also like: 

 

• Sample Vows for Polyamorous Wedding & Commitment Ceremonies

 

• How many times can you get married in each state?

 

• Polyamorous Commitment Ceremony: Advice for Officiants on What to Say, Where to Stand, and More

 

Read all Polyamorous Commitment Ceremony Ideas & Inspiration 

 

 

How does a polyamorous wedding or commitment ceremony work? What should you know before officiating your first one? Read the full article here.

 

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