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The Spaceballs Wedding Had Everything…“In the Bonds of Holy Moly!”

Published Wednesday, Oct. 11th, 2023


Screenshot from the 1987 sci-fi opera Spaceballs, with Barf, Dot Matrix, Princess Vespa, and Lone Starr / Photo: Copyright Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios

“Excuse me, I'm trying to conduct a wedding here, which has nothing to do with love. Please be quiet.”

 

 

 

Humor, royalty, spaceships, cold feet, a last minute objection, and a quick substitution of the groom… The 1987 cult classic sci-fi comedy Spaceballs had a truly funny wedding scene.

 

For those who don’t know, Spaceballs is a Star Wars spoof that was released four years after Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. It’s one of the best known parody films of its era (or maybe any era), and chronicles the misadventures of dashing star-pilot Lone Starr, his bff Barf, and the lovely Princess Vespa, as they try to save Planet Druidia from invaders – namely the evil Dark Helmet, President Skroob, and the ‘elite’ Spaceballs army. Sound familiar?

 

In the midst of all of this interplanetary battle, Princess Vespa is set to marry Prince Valium, who’s believed to be the last prince in the galaxy. But Valium is so boring he can barely keep himself awake, and Vespa’s not too thrilled about it. She’s the epitome of ‘cold feet’ on the wedding day, and can’t decide whether or not to go through with the marriage. 

 

When Vespa has a sudden revelation in the middle of the wedding ceremony about Lone Starr’s love for her, she exclaims “Don’t you see he loves me?” To which the minister famously and firmly retorts, “Excuse me, I'm trying to conduct a wedding here, which has nothing to do with love. Please be quiet.”

 

The ceremony almost continues, but is quickly interrupted again by the sound of a spaceship arriving. “...to join Princess Vespa and Prince Valium in the bonds of holy – moly!” the minister exclaims as the ship thunders overhead.

 

Thankfully, all that racket is Lone Starr arriving to object to the wedding. The dashing star-pilot announces that he’s actually a prince and Vespa quickly shoves Valium out of the way to marry Lone Starr instead. 

 

Best Man Barf (Barfolomew, if we’re being fancy) and ‘droid of honor’ Dot Matrix stand by as the minister grumpily marries the royal couple in the ‘short short version’ of the ceremony: 

 

“Do you? Do you? Good. You’re married. Kiss her.”

 

 

Give it a watch below!

 

And wedding officiants, take note, this is how you get a ceremony done in five seconds flat! 

 

Related: The Shortest Wedding Ceremony Script Ever

 

 

 

 

Spaceballs had a star-studded team behind it: Mel Brooks (Director, Producer, President Skroob); Rick Moranis (Dark Helmet); Daphne Zuniga (Princess Vespa); John Candy (Barf); Bill Pullman (Lone Starr); Jim J. Bullock (Prince Valium); Joan Rivers (as the voice of Dot Matrix); and many more. 

 

There were rumors that a sequel to Spaceballs might be released (Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money), but fans are still waiting…

 

 

In the meantime, there are plenty of other classic movie and TV themed weddings to inspire you! Try one of these:

 

 

 

 


 


Jessica Levey
Jessica Levey

Lead Staff Writer & Illustrator

Jessica loves exploring the history and magic of ritual, the connections between people and places, and sharing true stories about love and commitment. She's an advocate for marriage equality, LGBTQ+ rights, and individuality, and is an ordained Minister with AMM. When she’s not writing or illustrating for AMM, she enjoys city hikes, fantasy novels, comics, and traveling.

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