Why Wedding Planning Can Feel So Lonely

Small friend circles are common. Why don't more weddings reflect that?

 

Is planning your wedding making you feel more alone than ever? Like you don't have any close friends or family? You’re not alone – lots of other soon-to-weds feel this way too.

 

• “I recently got engaged and I’m planning my wedding with my fiancé. He has so many friends and a brother for groomsmen. I don’t have any strong friendships in my life currently that I can even ask to be my bridesmaids. I also don’t have any sisters and I’m not really close with my cousins. I feel like a sad sack, I’m not sure what to do…” (JellyDonuthead)

 

• “My best friend, my brother, is enlisted in the Navy and lives 5 hours away. I want to have the bachelorette and the bridal party and the fun girl stuff but I have no friends to do it with.” (greyfaye_)

 

• “I can be friendly and get along with anyone, but I don’t really have friends. I have my 2 best friends from high school still, 20 years later, who [will be] my bridal party, but I’m racking my brain to think of anyone else I could invite even as a guest. (FH’s family is huge, so the guest list is way lopsided).” (willowheart98)

 

• “I have a few close friends that I love, but my larger friend groups have fallen apart in the last decade or so. I have never felt insecure about this or wished it was different before now. It’s largely because I agreed to have a bigger wedding than I want…

 

I feel like I don’t have enough friends or family to do the big wedding, the bridal party, the bachelorette parties, all the traditional aspects of a wedding. We’re in our 30s, which feels so old for weddings (I know this is the dumbest thought and so objectively wrong). I feel like planning a wedding this large means I’m constantly engaging with the wedding industry, and facing all the traditional expectations that come with it, and I feel so out of place.” (_Schrute_Bucks_)

 

Something the wedding industry never talks about is just how lonely planning a wedding can make you feel. 

 

But that’s not your fault – it’s the industry's. And it’s time we do something about it!

 

Wedding blogs and magazines publish endless photos of large happy families and friend groups, rows of bridesmaids and groomsmen, and massive wedding venues packed wall to wall with chairs. Movies and television show us close friends crowded together at dress fittings and bonding at bachelor parties, or playfully bickering over who gets the most important roles. “The more the merrier,” they all seem to say. 

 

For an industry that’s often pushing couples for “more, more, more,” – more people, more planning, more debt – it kinda makes sense. 

 

But just like six-figure wedding budgets are out of reach for most people, a massive wedding party isn’t realistic for the majority of marriers. In fact, a recent Pew Research survey shows that a whopping 60% of adults have 4 close friends or less. Of this number, nearly half (29%) said they had just 2 or fewer close friends, and a significant number, 15%, said they had only one, or none.

 

Despite this, couples often feel pressured to throw big weddings with lots of attendants, and blogs and vendors frequently post photos like the one below, while leaving evidence of smaller weddings out of the picture. 

 

So even though many couples elope solo, or get married with just one or two besties there to toss confetti while they kiss, you may not see them represented online while you search for inspiration.

What you see:

This group looks like a lot of fun, but not everyone has 16 close friends and family members to include in the wedding party! Many people have far fewer, which can make this photo feel difficult to measure up to. (Photo: TriggerPhoto / iStock)

 

What you don't see enough of: 

This couple had a very small beach wedding, with the bride's closest childhood friend stepping up as wedding officiant, and their dog beside them at the altar. Having a friend officiate is a great choice for couples who have only one or two close friends and want to include them in the celebration with a special role. (Photo: From AMM's Wedding Wall, submitted by AMM Minister Mellisa)

 

These newlyweds invited their two closest friends to join them on the wedding day, and kept the celebration simple and low key. (Photo: From AMM's Wedding Wall, submitted by AMM Minister Roxana)

 

 

This lack of representation could make you feel pretty f*ckng lonely.

 

But it’s not a you-problem. You’re actually in the majority! This is a problem with the wedding industry.

(The problem’s not unique to people with small friend groups, either. The wedding industry has struggled with inclusivity and representation forever, and we need to see more marriers of all kinds, all the time. More racial diversity, more disability visibility, more small-budget license signings! That’s the kind of “more, more, more” we want… Because representation matters!)

 

Luckily, it's a problem we can all solve. And there have been awesome efforts in the last five or so years to do just that. If you haven’t noticed it yet, here’s what to look for:

 

♦ More appreciation for small weddings & elopements

 

We’re seeing more industry focus on small weddings and “just us” elopements, with many vendors specializing in and showcasing these options. 

 

• “We had a smaller wedding. The quality of the people is more important than the quantity.” (DumbMassDebater)

 

Learn more:

 

• 10 Micro Wedding Ideas to Inspire An Intimate Ceremony
• Can I Get A Witness? Small Ceremonies, Witness Requirements, and Self-Solemnizing Marriages Revisited
• 3 Things to Know Before Having a ‘Just Us’ Wedding Ceremony
   

 

♦ More acceptance for gender-neutral wedding attendant roles

We’re seeing more acceptance for gender-neutral wedding attendant roles, which makes it easier for couples to choose who stands beside them on the wedding day. 

 

• “I don’t have many close girlfriends, so I asked my brother to be my Man of Honor.” (meerkatmeow)

 

Learn more:

 

• Bridesmen and Groomsmaids: Tips for Planning an Unconventional Wedding Ceremony
• Gender Neutral Wedding Terms for Inclusive Officiants

 

 

♦ More couples are skipping the wedding party

 

And we’re seeing many couples skip the wedding attendants regardless of their wedding size. (This can work out well for friends too, because being a bridesmaid is expensive. In this economy? We can’t blame you for thinking twice.) 

 

• “We didn't have a bridal party and it was great! We didn't have to worry about picking out dresses and suits, who was going to be getting ready when/ where, etc. To me, it was a much more intimate ceremony too, because it was just me and my husband up there with our officiant. I didn't have to worry about people being in the right places or anything pre-ceremony or post.” (SuperKryleeee)

 

Learn more: 

 

• Don’t Have Someone to be Your Bridesmaid or Best Man? Try This Instead

 

 

So if the endless scroll of wedding parties, minimum guest count requirements, and the pressure to pick a best man or maid of honor are getting you down – you’re not alone. Unfortunately, loneliness is a common side effect of wedding planning. But it doesn’t have to be. 

 

They say that comparison is the thief of joy, and that’s certainly true here. Instead of comparing yourself to the heavily-curated celebrations you find on Pinterest or TikTok – or to the weddings of other people you know –  try to enjoy this moment for what it is: the start of your marriage, a celebration of your love, and an appreciation for the new joys and adventures still ahead of you!

 

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See Real Wedding Photos on AMM’s Wedding Wall 

 

The American Marriage Ministries "Wedding Wall" features thousands of photos and wedding ceremony scripts submitted by our ministers from all around the country. These photos capture the real wedding day, to give you real inspiration for your own ceremony. You'll see weddings and elopements of all stripes and sizes. Take a look! 

|* custom-button, "https://theamm.org/weddings/wedding-wall", "VISIT AMM'S WEDDING WALL" *|

(Photo: From the AMM Wedding Wall; submitted by AMM Minister Mellisa)

 

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More Small Wedding Ideas & Inspiration From AMM

 

• How to Have a ‘Friends Only’ Wedding Ceremony - No Family Invited

 

• 5 Great Reasons to Ask a Friend to Officiate Your Wedding
   
• How to Elope: The Complete Elopement Checklist
   
• A Road Trip Wedding is a Destination Wedding on the GO!
   

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Have a Friend Officiate Your Wedding with Help From AMM! 

Ask a friend, family member, or even your favorite coworker to officiate your wedding! Officiating a wedding is easy with free online ordination through American Marriage Ministries (AMM). 

|* ordination-button *|

American Marriage Ministries is an inclusive nondenominational internet church that ordains and trains ministers to officiate marriage ceremonies. We're a recognized 501(c)(3) nonprofit church, and help people from all backgrounds and beliefs become ordained ministers for weddings. Our online ordination is free, accessible, and never expires.

|* custom-button, "https://theamm.org/store/products/will-you-marry-us-gift-package", "'WILL YOU MARRY US?' OFFICIANT GIFT BOX" *|

Become an ordained minister with free online ordination from AMM to officiate weddings for friends and family! (Photo: Tash Jones - Love Luella Photography / iStock)

 

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