Don’t Have Someone to be Your Bridesmaid or Best Man? Try This Instead

Don’t have a close friend to be your maid of honor, best man, bridesmaid, or groomsman? Consider these options instead.

 

Ask AMM: "What can I do if I don't have anyone to be my best man or maid of honor?"

 

You have a fiance and a wedding date – but can’t think of anyone to be your bridesmaid, groomsman, best man, or maid of honor. While this situation might feel uncomfortable, it’s actually pretty common. And it’s certainly no reason to get discouraged! There are several alternatives to consider. 

 

It’s very common for adults to have fewer close friends as they get older. Life gets busy, responsibilities and schedules shift, people move cities, change jobs, kids are born, and we prioritize certain relationships and roles over others. All of these ordinary things can lead to a smaller guest list than you expect. (If you’re planning a destination wedding that’s difficult for even close friends to attend, that list can get even shorter.) It’s all just a part of life! 

 

But wedding planning has a unique ability to create unexpected anxiety around social expectations and other people’s perceptions. Visit any wedding website and you’ll see what we mean! Even if you aren’t traditional in other areas of life, most wedding websites expect that you’ll follow certain norms when it’s time to tie the knot.  

 

Well, we’re here to tell you that you that there are no rules on the wedding day! Aside from the legal ones, of course. (Click the links below to find out more.)

 

• Are there legal wording requirements in a wedding ceremony?
   
• Understanding the Marriage License Process
   
• What is a Marriage Officiant?
   

You don’t have to have a wedding party or a single wedding attendant if you don’t want to. (Though you might need a wedding witness, more on this below.)

 

If you realize you don’t have enough close friends to fill all the roles listed on most wedding websites – bridesmaids, maid of honor, groomsmen, best man, and so on – don’t worry about it. And if you want to invite someone special to your ceremony that doesn’t fit within these usual roles, that’s great too! 

 

 

If the state where you get married doesn't require any witnesses, consider a 'just us' elopement: just you, your officiant, and lots of love. Or simply invite friends and family to a small wedding celebration and skip the attendants! (Photo by Nicole Geri on Unsplash)

 

 

Below are a few options to consider when you don’t have a close friend to serve as a traditional wedding attendant on the wedding day. 

 

1. Simplify with Wedding Witnesses

 

Some states require one or two people to attend your wedding as a witness. If you’re getting married in one of these states and don’t have someone to be your person of honor, you will still need to choose a witness (or two). Luckily, this is much less pressure than choosing a bridesmaid or best man! 

 

Wedding witnesses can be someone special to you, but they don’t have to be. And unlike other traditional roles like bridesmaid or maid of honor, there’s no expectation for a wedding witness to have a close relationship with the couple getting married. 

 

For example, it’s not uncommon to: ask your wedding officiant to bring witnesses (sometimes for an extra fee), ask someone at the venue to serve as a witness, or ask a coworker or acquaintance to fill the role. 

 

For more tips check out: Who Can Be a Witness for a Wedding & How Do You Choose?

 

 

2. Skip traditional attendant roles altogether for an intimate wedding experience

 

You don’t need wedding attendants to have an incredible wedding day! Skip those traditional wedding attendant roles altogether for a truly intimate wedding experience. All you really need is your marriage license, each other, and your wedding officiant – so keep your guest list small and skip the attendants.

 

That’s all! Simple, intimate, and sweet.

 

 

3. Rename the roles to fit the meaningful relationships you do have in your life

 

If you like the idea of someone standing beside you in support on the wedding day – but don’t have a close friend or relative to ask – consider your other meaningful relationships for inspiration and rename the roles! Here’s what we mean:

 

Instead of a conventional ‘Groomsman,’ ask a beloved teacher or mentor to serve as your ‘Guide of Honor’ or ‘Wisdom Walker.’ This renamed role suits the special relationship you have, without the pressure and presumed closeness of a ‘groomsman’ or ‘best man.’ 

 

Instead of a ‘Maid of Honor,’ you might ask a friendly coworker to be your ‘Cubicle Companion of Honor,’ ‘Workmate of Honor,’ or ‘Honor Colleague.’ (This can be a great choice if you’ve recently moved cities and only know a few friends from work!)

 

Or instead of a traditional group of bridesmaids, you might ask members of your book club to be your ‘Bridal Bookclub,’ walking down the aisle ahead of you holding your favorite books instead of bouquets. 

 

You get the idea: You don’t need to change your life to fit traditional wedding roles – change those roles to fit your life! 

 

 

Think outside the box! Choose wedding roles that fit your relationships: Cubicle Companion of Honor; Wisdom Walker; Encouragement Officer; Fairy God-boss; Matchmaker of Honor; Wedding Elder; or Trusted Witness. (Photo by Hạ Nguyễn / Pexels)

 

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More Wedding Planning Tips from AMM

 

• What to do After Getting Engaged in 20 Simple Steps
   
• A Simple Wedding Planning Checklist & Timeline for Busy Couples
   
• Helpful Advice for Wedding Planning with ADHD
   
• These Wedding Planning Books Make Great Gifts

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