Should Your Friends & Parents Write Your Prenup Agreement?

Rethinking Prenups: From Asset Protection to Community Conversations? 

 

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If you're in a serious relationship and thinking about marriage, or already planning your wedding, you’ve probably heard about prenups. But what if your closest friends, or even your parents, were in charge of writing yours? It might sound strange, but a few modern relationship trends make it an interesting question. Here’s why…

 

First, we’re seeing an increase in couples meeting through matchmaking services, modern arranged marriages, blind dates, and friend groups. In fact, matchmaking services have reported a 400% increase in Gen Z clients this year, as singles search for authentic connections, not algorithm-driven matches. And if you’re 29 or younger, there’s a high 43% chance you're dating someone you met within your friend group instead of on a dating app. If you're under 25, the chances jump to staggering 68%!

 

Related: Could Short-Term Marriage Contracts Replace ‘Til Death Do Us Part’?

 

Next, there’s also been a steady uptick in couples choosing relationship contracts of all kinds, including cohabitation agreements, love and dating contracts, and prenups. Although there are likely multiple reasons for the trend, one lawyer’s theory really resonates: 

 

“More and more couples are seeing the benefits of entering into prenuptial agreements,” attorney Elizabeth Billies says. “In fact, attorneys are seeing a rise in prenups, particularly among millennials. I think one reason is that people are getting married later in life… I also see a lot of clients who are entering a second marriage and want a prenup because of what happened in their first.”

 

Related: 3 Tips for Writing a Second Marriage Wedding Script

 

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Should prenups be a community effort like dating and marriage sometimes are? 

 

It makes us wonder: If your friends know you well enough to set you up with your soulmate, could they also help you draft a prenup that actually reflects your values? 

 

If you come from a supportive, close knit community, you know your friends and family always have your back. These are the people who keep your well-being in mind. They’ve seen you on your best and worst behavior. They know your needs and dreams. They know the qualities that will probably annoy you, and your most challenging qualities.

 

All of this insight, spread out over years of knowing you, gives them useful perspective as you reflect on what matters most to bring into a thoughtful conversation with your lawyer. Right?

 

Related: Take this Quiz Before You Ask a Friend to Officiate Your Wedding

 

It’s true that asking friends, parents, and other loved ones to collaborate on a prenup agreement is still rare, and any formal document still needs to be reviewed by a qualified attorney. But there’s a chance it could become more popular in the future:

 

“A pre-nup is something you need to discuss and get opinions from your family and friends, [and] an attorney,” one Reddit user in a marriage advice forum writes. “You need their advice and objective opinions. They may see something you don't, and they have your best interests at heart.”

 

Modern prenups are shifting 

 

Something that makes this shift feel even more possible is the way prenups themselves have changed. Modern prenups are more likely to focus on shared values, spiritual views, and emotional compatibility than in the past. Where past prenups may have centered around money, modern prenups include something called “lifestyle clauses,” which cover things like scheduled date nights, attending couple’s therapy, and collaboration in all parts of the relationship. 

 

What is a prenup lifestyle clause?

 

“A [prenup] lifestyle clause includes expectations about day-to-day behavior within the marriage. These can range from agreements on household chores to setting limits on social media use. Some couples even include clauses about physical fitness or how often they will take vacations. The purpose of these clauses is to outline mutual expectations to help prevent future conflicts…” the folks at Terry L. Hart, Attorney at Law wrote last year. 

 

“Including lifestyle clauses in a prenuptial agreement can help couples start conversations about important topics before marriage,” they add. “However, it is essential to remember that these clauses may not necessarily be enforceable in court.”

 

In other words, modern prenups and lifestyle clauses can be something that couples refer back to over the years as a guide to lasting happiness, not just cold legalese.

 

With this in mind, what if the people in your community helped co-create that guide? What if your prenup was a collective, intentional agreement, written with input and advice from the people who know you best? It’s certainly one way to reshape an old tradition into something new. 

 

Of course, not everyone agrees that friends and family should get involved in the prenup…

 

On the other hand, there are definitely ways this type of prenup collaboration could go very, very wrong. There are countless stories of parents and inlaws insisting on prenups that may or may not align with their children’s values, and many friends don’t want to overstep.

 

Consider these examples:

 

“A few months before the wedding, I got a call from my mother asking if we’d arrange for lawyers to look over the prenup. I didn’t know what she was talking about. [It turns out,] my future mother-in-law had called my parents to inform them that there would be no wedding until [a prenup] was signed.” (Mika112799)

 

“Unless your friend and his fiance have significant assets, I would suggest you stay out of their business [and not advise on a prenup].” (Franz Kawabata)

 

“One day my husband brings up that [his mom] has drafted a prenup. I’m immediately shocked and pissed off by the audacity. We both read it and are completely thrown off... For example, it said our house would belong to my husband in the event of a divorce, a house we both went 50/50 on. I couldn’t believe she would do such a thing.” (justiney_wieney)

 

What do you think? 

 

So, is it time to invite your entire village into the marriage conversation, not just the marriage ceremony? Maybe. 

 

Just remember: you and your partner should always have the final say in what’s written in your agreement -- just like you have final say on the wedding day -- and write any legal documents with the support of a knowledgeable attorney.

 

If you do ask friends and family to collaborate on the draft, choose wisely!

 

Important Note: We aren’t lawyers, and this isn’t legal advice. We’re just thinking about modern marriage and prenup trends, and where it could lead in the future. If you have questions about prenuptial agreements and if they’re right for you, we strongly recommend that you contact an attorney. 

 

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More Wedding Planning Ideas & Inspiration from AMM

 

• 3 Reasons to Throw a Prenup Party Before Your Wedding
   
• Wedding Officiants: Learn How to Provide Premarital Counseling and Relationship Coaching Services

 

• A Simple Wedding Planning Checklist & Timeline for Busy Couples
   
• When to Hire Your Wedding Officiant: Timing & Checklist
   

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