Marry Your Gal Pal! Let’s Bring Back ‘Boston Marriage’

As Gen Z discovers the benefits of platonic marriage, will Boston Marriages make a comeback?

 

Considering the average woman’s experience with dating apps (dismal) and the average cost of rent (steep), has there ever been a better time to bring back Boston Marriage? Just two besties moving in together, living their best life, enjoying all the benefits of traditional marriage without the usual complications?

 

If this arrangement sounds like a dream come true, keep reading! 

 

Modern Boston Marriages, with or without legal paperwork, might provide friends with the emotional and financial support that often comes from traditional marriage, without a romantic partnership. (Photo: clu / iStock)

 

 

What is a Boston Marriage? 

 

‘Boston Marriage,’ if you haven’t heard the phrase, was an informal marital arrangement that became popular in the late 1800s. The term describes two women living together in a long term partnership without the financial support of a man. 

 

Hardly a revolutionary concept now, but back in the 1800s it was much more difficult for a woman to live her life without the support of a husband, father, uncle, or brother. Women didn’t have many rights then, they couldn’t vote, and good work was hard to find -- not to mention that many businesses banned married women from working at all. (In fact, women couldn’t have a bank account until the 1970s!)

 

So two women deciding to move in together and make their way on their own? Without a man?! These women were ahead of their time.

 

And then, like now, there was of course the queerness of the situation: Boston Marriages ran the spectrum from simple friendship to romance, with each union uniquely its own. These gal pals were most-visible early lesbian marriages in the United States, offering rich historical context to the ‘they were just good friends’ memes.

 

Why is it called a 'Boston Marriage'? 

 

The term itself comes from a classic literary lesbian romance, described in the 1886 novel The Bostonians written by Henry James. In that story, a wealthy feminist named Olive forms an intimate ‘friendship’ with a young woman named Verena, and the two women live and work together as partners until a tragic love triangle pulls them apart. Although the phrase ‘boston marriage’ isn’t in the book, it didn’t take long after the story was published for the LGBTQ+ community to adopt it. 

 

 

What is Boston Marriage? Women & same-sex relationships in the 1800s: Women’s rights and marriage rights looked a lot different a couple centuries ago. Middle and upper-class women who wanted to live independently sometimes joined in a ‘Boston Marriage,’ living together and supporting each other without a man’s help. Boston Marriages also included many queer couples – lesbian, bisexual, asexual, trans and queer platonic partners – who wanted to build a life together. And they didn't just happen in Boston! The oil painting shown above depicts the Ladies of Llangollen, who shared one of the earliest known Boston Marriage in the late 1700s, long before the term was used. (Photo: J. H. Lynch, Wikimedia Commons)

 

 

Is it time to bring back Boston Marriages?

 

Of course, two women couldn’t legally wed during the 1800s (or during most of the 1900s for that matter, unfortunately), so Boston Marriages weren’t legally recognized. 

 

Related: When was same-sex marriage legalized in the U.S.? Is it legal in all 50 states?

 

Now that same-sex marriage is legal, Boston Marriages might offer even more benefits to modern women, including things that only legal marriages usually provide – including spousal social security benefits, pooled retirement, tax breaks for filing jointly, improved loan odds, increased homeownership options, legal protections for children, inheritance rights, and more.

 

For platonic besties who want the benefits of traditional marriage without a romantic relationship, a modern Boston Marriage might be the right choice!

 

Plus, the timing is right: Gen Z is showing an increased interest in platonic marriages, with the rise of the feminist '4B movement', and the recent redefining of a century-old term – ‘Lavender Marriage’ – to include legal marriages between friends of any gender or sexuality. (Click the link below to learn more about how Gen Z is redefining Lavender Marriage.)

 

• Why Lavender Marriage is Making a Modern Comeback

 

In these modern Lavender Marriages, partners can continue to seek out satisfying romantic relationships while enjoying the stability and security of their marriage with a friend. Friends in modern Boston Marriages could find the same freedom, while enjoying the same support.

 

So, is it time for Gen Z to revive Boston Marriages in the same way they have Lavender Marriages?

 

Will young generations embrace the old term to describe modern platonic marriages between female friends? Maybe! 

 

In the meantime, platonic marriage can offer many benefits, whatever name you put on it. So go ahead, marry a gal pal and start living your best life! 

 

 

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You might also like: 

 

• Matelotage : Gay Marriage Among Pirates or Just a Business Partnership?
   
• A Look at Marriage & Wedding Traditions in The Roman Empire, Inspired by House Speaker Mike Johnson
   
• The story of a lesbian marriage in historic Colonial Williamsburg

 

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