How to Officiate a Symbolic Self-Marriage or Sologamy Ceremony (With Sample Script!)

Published Thursday, Aug. 17th, 2023

Learn how to officiate a 'solo wedding' or sologamy ceremony, including your role as a wedding officiant, any legal responsibilities, the symbolism and meaning of the self-marriage ritual, ceremony order, sample sologamy vows, and a sample officiant script to help you get started.

For the Officiant: How to perform a solo wedding or sologamy ceremony

Asked to officiate a symbolic self-marriage or sologamy ceremony?

Officiating this unique ritual is a deep honor. As the officiant, it’s your role to ‘hold space’ for the solo-marrier as they commit to truly love, accept, honor, and empower themselves. Below, we’ll cover everything you need to know to get started.

What is sologamy, or self-marriage?

Sologamy is the symbolic act of marrying yourself – making a promise to love, support, cherish, and provide for yourself just as you might for a spouse. These rituals hold profound meaning for solo marriers. They’re a declaration of self love and deep commitment to the self in every area of life.

A sologamy ceremony, sometimes called a ‘solo wedding,’ might look like a traditional wedding, with an aisle and an altar, but not always. They can be big or small, formal or casual, indoors or outdoors – similar to a traditional wedding.

Learn more:

What to Expect at a Self-Marriage or Sologamy Ceremony

Your Role as an Officiant

Officiating a solo wedding includes many of the same duties traditionally performed by a wedding officiant, including:

Welcome guests to the ceremonial space
Introduce the purpose and meaning of the ritual
Coordinate any special readings
Invite the solo-marrier to share their vows
Guide the self-marrier through any ritual elements
Close the ceremony in a meaningful way

In addition to these essential parts of the ceremony, you might be asked to incorporate unique or unusual spiritual elements. These elements / duties might include:

Call the Corners & Cast a sacred circle (Pagan or Wiccan ceremony)
Spiritual bathing ritual
Naming ceremony
Offering to spirits or gods
Cleansing rituals (Smudging or salting)
Tarot reading
Palm reading
Guided meditation or prayer

Click the links above to learn more about each ritual

Photo (cropped): AdobeStock

Officiating a solo wedding or self-marriage ritual is a special honor.

Officiant's Legal Responsibilities

Unlike traditional marriage, self-marriage isn’t legally binding. Solo wedding rituals are symbolic, which means that the officiant (that’s you!) doesn't need to be an ordained minister or register as an officiant to perform the ceremony.

However, many first-time officiants discover they love officiating after performing a ceremony. In this case, consider getting ordained online with AMM from the start, and take advantage of our free officiant training resources. Your ordination might come in handy later!

Become an Ordained Minister Online with AMM

Ceremony Order and Sample Solo Wedding Script

There are no rules that say a ceremony must follow a specific order. Some solo weddings follow the same outline as a traditional wedding – including a walk down the aisle and a formal pronouncement. But many ceremonies are informal, resembling a small elopement, or are free-form gatherings in a comfortable setting with loved ones.

Use the simple template below as a starting place, and customize with personal details, stories, and spiritual elements. This script was written using the gender neutral ‘they,’ but any pronoun can easily be substituted in its place.

Self-Marriage / Sologamy Ceremony Script

With Sample Sologamy Vows

Welcome & Invocation

Officiant

Friends and family, we’re gathered here today to celebrate and support _______ as they align themselves with their true path and commit to themselves and their higher calling.

In life, we encounter many challenges, uncertainties, and victories. If we’re lucky we have people all around us to hold us, comfort us, and encourage us. Each of you has been that person for _______, and they’re so happy you’re here.

Committing to oneself is harder than seems at first. This type of commitment, if it’s truly held, is a practice of radical self acceptance. It requires courage: to look upon oneself in both the bright light of day and shadows of night. It requires trust: to trust in oneself and in one’s place in the current of life.

This type of self commitment is an unbreakable promise, a union forged between the earthly self and the higher self. It is a covenant of self love, a vow of self compassion and unwavering faith, even in the face of uncertainty and human imperfection.

Statement of Intent

Officiant

_______, are you ready to make this commitment? To love, honor, value, and accept yourself, to live in alignment with your core values, to unite your physical and spiritual self in pursuit of a higher path?

Marrier

I do!

Written Vows

Officiant

When you’re ready, please read the promises you make to yourself today.

Marrier

(Sample sologamy vows)

I promise to forgive myself for my imperfections, and to love myself just as I am. I promise to challenge myself to learn and grow, and be accountable and intentional in all my interactions.

I promise never to abandon myself and my needs in romantic relationships, or to lose myself in my job or career.

I promise to take care of my body, to be kind to it, to accept it. I promise to take care of my mental health, and I promise not to be ashamed of needing help to be healthy.

I promise to have fun! I promise to enjoy life as much as I can and to seek happiness and to make my friends and vacations a priority. I promise to make time for ME!

And I promise to live in faith and gratitude. And to maintain my spiritual practice, and to share it with others any way I can, through service and love.

A Symbolic Act

A solo candle lighting ceremony:

Officiant

_______, these promises are a gift!

Let the light of this candle represent the inner light you’ve harnessed here today. Let it be a steady beacon of love and faith, a symbol of the divine spark to guide you through the many good years ahead.

(The Officiant hands the marrier a decorative book of matches or lighter.)

(The marrier lights the ceremonial candle.)

As an alternative, a toast:

(The Officiant pours the marrier a glass of wine or cider and offers a toast – such as “To many good years ahead!” – which is repeated enthusiastically by the crowd as the marrier drinks.

Closing Words

Officiant

_______, you have vowed to be your own best advocate, your own best friend and supporter. To honor yourself as you walk through life, and to live in joyful alignment with who you are and what you hope to become. You have committed to earthly and spiritual union!

As we leave here today, we honor this courageous pledge, and promise to love, support, and encourage you each step of the way.

Friends, let’s stand and show our love for _______!

Read Next:

Friends hold up sparklers and laugh during an adult naming ceremony

A Naming Ceremony or ritual can be celebrated at any age, including as an adult, as a way to honor the authentic self. Read the full article here.

Jessica Levey

Lead Staff Writer & Illustrator

Jessica loves exploring the history and magic of ritual, the connections between people and places, and sharing true stories about love and commitment. She's an advocate for marriage equality, LGBTQ+ rights, and individuality, and is an ordained Minister with AMM. When she’s not writing or illustrating for AMM, she enjoys city hikes, fantasy novels, comics, and traveling.

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What to Expect at a Self-Marriage or Sologamy Ceremony

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