Wedding Cake Smash: Good Luck or Relationship Ruiner? 

Cake smashing at weddings: Funny photo opp or an early sign of marital troubles to come? 

 

Few wedding traditions walk the line between timeless and completely unhinged like the cake smash: when your new spouse shoves a handful of expensive dessert into your freshly airbrushed face (while friends, family, and photographer watch). Once considered a good luck charm, is this messy ritual a potential relationship red flag? 

 

Consider this – wedding cakes cost an average of $300 to $700; add another $200 to $600 for professionally done wedding makeup, buried beneath a layer of buttercream, and that cake smash is the financial equivalent to smashing a brand new Stratocaster on the floor before you play it. Not so sweet, is it? 

 

Related: How Much Does the Average Wedding Cost?

 

And of course there’s the potential embarrassment factor. Most people don’t want to be remembered with cake on their face on their wedding day – and they really don’t want photographic evidence of the event. Trying to talk with distant relatives and overly friendly plus ones while picking crumbs out of your hair or clothing? No.

 

With so much stacked against it, you’ve got to wonder how this sticky tradition ever got started, how it’s lasted so long, and whether it has the potential to ruin a relationship. 

 

Let’s take a look!

 

Where did the wedding cake smashing tradition start? 

 

The cake smash tradition started in ancient Rome, where a groom would crumble pieces of sweet barley cake over a bride’s head for good luck. At that time, around the 8th century BC, barley was a symbol of abundance; and “good luck” really just meant “extremely fertile” – the hope that a woman could bear many, many children for her husband. The custom celebrated the man’s potency, and the woman’s place as submissive childbearer.

 

Historians say that after the cake was crumbled, the newlyweds “ate a few crumbs in a custom known as confarreatio — eating together.” Then, “the wedding guests gathered up the crumbs as tokens of good luck.” (via Gastronomica, and the ancient poet Lucretius, in his poem De Rerum Natura)

Why do people smash cake at weddings now? 

 

Over time, this ritual has shifted in meaning – from a public fertility spell to a funny photo opp. These days, there isn’t as much deep meaning or symbolism to the cake smash custom. It’s more about familiarity and fun between partners – assuming the smashee still considers it fun, of course. 

 

On the other hand, newlyweds feeding each other cake, sweetly and lovingly, can symbolize their promise to take care of each other’s needs throughout the marriage. 

 

Related: Everything You Need to Know About Wedding Unity Ceremonies

 

The smashing wedding cake tradition has a long history, but has grown increasingly unpopular among marriers of all genders in recent years. Those who dislike the tradition point out its potential to ruin wedding hair, clothing, and the overall mood.  You might want to consider just a dollop of icing instead, or skip it altogether, depending on your partner's preferences. (Photo: IPGGutenbergUKLtd / iStock)

 

 

Is the wedding cake smash ritual a potential red flag or relationship ruiner? 

 

Given the patriarchal history of a cake-in-the-face, what does it say about a modern bride or groom who deploys one? 

 

Are cake-smashers more likely to be old fashioned, controlling, or sexist toward their partners? Are marriages that start with a sheen of cream cheese or a fistfull of fondant more likely to end in divorce? Or are we making too much of a misguided joke? 

 

Former brides, grooms, and guests report: 

 

• “His dad goaded him into smashing a cake into my face at a restaurant. It wasn't even a wedding. I never got one, we just had a ceremony by justice of the peace and I was heavily pregnant. We did not last long after that.” (iloura)

 

• “My friend smashed it in her husband’s face, they hadn’t really talked about it beforehand. They got divorced 1 year in.” (katXOmichele)

 

• “My friends did. She took a tiny bit with her finger and wiped it on his nose and mouth. He got mad and smashed her whole face into the cake. They are divorced.” (Notfit_anywhere24)

 

• “My Grammy always said, if they smash the cake in your face on your wedding day, they don’t respect you. And it won’t last.” (Stephanie; New York Post)

 

• “I divorced her. I still recall the picture of when she did it. I was pissed. It shows a fundamental disrespect for your spouse when you do something like that.” (lloopy)

 

• “I asked her not to do it. It was the only thing I asked for at the reception. ‘Please don't shove cake in my face. I hate that stupid tradition.’ She said ok, I won't. I fed her cake, then she fed me some, with the plate peculiarly close to my face. Then WHAM! cake up the nostrils and her with a shit eating grin on her face and her entire redneck family howling with laughter, except her mom, who was the only decent one, who had a look of chagrin on my behalf.

 

My first thought was ‘I f*cking KNEW it!" Followed up with ‘Don't make a scene…’ Then I smiled and said ‘I'm gonna go get cleaned up’ and spent the next 5 mins in the bathroom blowing icing out of my sinuses. We got divorced 7 months later.” (Arkayb33)

 

Well, there you have it. While it might not ruin a relationship on its own, it can certainly be a relationship red flag. Even more so if a couple has agreed not to partake beforehand, but one partner breaks the pact – that could be an early indicator of trouble to come. 

 

 

The verdict is in: surprise cake smashing is out! Couples pretty much all agree that this ritual is only ok when its consentual. If you want to include this tradition in your big day, for a funny photo or old fashion good luck, be sure to talk to your spouse-to-be about it beforehand. (Photo: Kangah / iStock)

 

 

What to do in lieu of a wedding cake face-smash? 

 

With that in mind, here are a few things to do instead – if you’re so inclined.

 

Simple alternatives to cake smashing include: 

 

• Feeding cake to each other using your hands, special forks or spoons, or while wearing decorative gloves
• Feeding yourself a bite of cake, with or without your arm entwined with your partner's
• Dash of frosting on the nose – keeps the playful spirit with much less mess

 

Ways to avoid the mess with wedding cake smashing still included: 

 

• Smash individual cupcakes instead – enjoy the experience without ruining your expensive wedding cake
• Specialty wedding bibs or cake ponchos – enjoy the experience without ruining your expensive wedding clothing

 

 

Want a cute first bite cake photo with no clean up required? Feed each other a bite of dessert. This is also a sweet symbol that you'll take care of each other during your marriage. (Photo: joshuaraineyphotography / iStock)

 

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Read More About Popular Wedding Traditions & Rituals

 

• 5 Strange and Delightful Wedding Traditions From The Past
   
• 5 Lucky Wedding Traditions from Around the World
   
• The Black Umbrella - A Hmong Wedding Tradition
   
• 10 Unity Ritual Ideas for Your Vow Renewal Ceremony
   

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