Matron of Honor vs Maid of Honor (& Why You Need BOTH!)

What is a Matron of Honor? What are some common Maid of Honor duties? Get the scoop on the wedding party MVP: The MOH! 

 

Planning a wedding can be INTENSE. There are hundreds of small decisions to make, on top of making the biggest decision of your life -- you’re getting MARRIED!

 

That’s why you want a whole team of talented people behind you: If you can afford one, a wedding planner will cut your stress in HALF (and make you look good while doing it). Then there’s your wedding officiant, who does much more than sign your marriage license; they know how to calm you down at the altar and will tell your love story in a way that melts every heart in the room. There are your wedding attendants, those ride-or-dies who cheer you on, keep you from hyperventilating when the caterer is late, and bring you a nice little snack if you have too much champagne in the changing suite before the ceremony. 

 

And then there are your right-hand helpers, the wedding party MVPs – your Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor, or MOH! 

 

Many former marriers will tell you that having a maid or matron of honor is an absolute must. Matrons and maids of honor do a lot; they host your wedding shower and plan the bachelor or bachelorette party (or Jack and Jill party, gender-inclusive Bach Bash, etc.). They wrangle your wedding attendants and make sure everyone is dressed, de-stressed, and getting along. They pack your wedding emergency kit, stand next to you during the ceremony, and a dozen other little things to make sure you arrive at the altar sane, stylish, and smiling. 

 

But what’s the difference between a maid and matron of honor? Do you need both? Can you have a Man of Honor or gender-neutral Mate of Honor or Person of Honor instead? 

 

We’ll answer these great questions and more below! 

 

 

Have questions about the Maid of Honor duties, or what a Matron of Honor does? Keep reading! We'll explain the role of these amazing wedding helpers and why having both is a great idea. (Photo-cropped: jacoblund / iStock)

 

 

Maid of Honor vs Matron of Honor: Differences, Duties & Why You Might Need BOTH

 

 

What’s the Difference Between Maid and Matron of Honor? 

 

Traditionally, these two roles have different names but are basically the same thing. The primary difference between these two people of honor is usually their relationship status: maids are unmarried, and matrons are married. 

 

Because matrons of honor are married, they might have more experience planning a wedding than maids of honor do, but not always. The level of experience that your maid or matron has depends on the individual. 

 

 

Matron vs Maid of Honor Duties

 

In general, matrons and maids of honor do the same kinds of tasks in the weeks leading up to the wedding date, and on the wedding day itself. These tasks might include: 

 

• Help choose a wedding dress / wedding attire
• Ensure the bridesmaids / bridesmates / wedding party have their attire
• Plan & host a bridal shower / wedding shower
• Plan & host a bachelorette / bach bash
• Plan & coordinate the rehearsal dinner
• Serve as a Backup Officiant (Get ordained online & pack a simple wedding script just in case)
• Serve as a Point of Contact for friends and family on the wedding day
• Help the bride / marrier get ready on the wedding day
• Ensure the bride / marrier eats and drinks on the wedding day
• Assist the Mother of the Bride / Marrier’s Parent of Honor
• Stand beside the bride / marrier during the ceremony
• Hold the bride / marrier’s flower bouquet
• Give a speech or toast at the wedding reception 
• Keep track of who sent which wedding gift
• Protect the bride / marrier from evil spirits and kidnappers (Just kidding! Or are we? Read about the origin of bridesmaids.) 

 

(And possibly more, as needed by the bride / marrier.)

 

If your matron of honor or maid of honor has a lot of experience planning a wedding, or has served in the role before, you might ask them to take on more responsibilities. But this is up to you and your helper to decide!

 

Related: Ask a Bridesmaid to Get Ordained to Serve as a Backup Officiant

 

 

Can You Have a Matron of Honor AND a Maid of Honor?

 

HECK YES, you can have a matron of honor and a maid of honor, and it’s an excellent idea to have both! 

 

You might have noticed that the list of matron and maid of honor duties above is long and involved. (AND it’s a labor of love – they’re not even getting a spouse out of the deal, unless your guest list is full of eligible cuties). These wedding party MVPs take on a lot of responsibilities just to make your big day the best it can be, and sharing the role between two friends can make things more manageable for everyone involved. 

 

As someone very wise once said, a burden shared is a burden halved. And a joy shared is doubled! (They were probably planning a wedding when they said this…)

 

 

Want a Man of Honor, Mate of Honor, or Person of Honor instead of a traditional Maid or Matron of Honor? Go for it! Choose any close friend, sibling, or relative for this special role, regardless of gender. (Photo: Serhii Sobolevskyi / iStock)

 

 

Gender Inclusive Wedding Roles: Man of Honor, Mate of Honor, Person of Honor

 

Gender roles in weddings are so last century (and they were already outdated then, to be honest). You can ask a close friend or relative of any gender to serve in this special role for you. 

 

If you want to have a male friend or relative at your side, PRESTO! You have a Man of Honor. 

 

Want a nonbinary friend beside you? VIOLA! You have a Mate of Honor or Person of Honor. 

 

The traditional matron of honor or maid of honor roles are easily adapted to modern weddings and modern families, just choose the wording you like best and have fun planning! 

Related: Gender Neutral Wedding Terms for Inclusive Officiants

 

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Officiating a Friend's Wedding with Online Ordination from American Marriage Ministries! 

 

As you can see from the article above, the Matron of Honor and Maid of Honor play important roles on wedding day, but there's another special way to include a close friend or relative in your wedding ceremony: Ask a loved one to get ordained online to perform your wedding! 

 

Friends make wonderful wedding officiants. They can help you create a personalized a wedding ceremony that captures your unique sense of humor, love story, faith, and family.

 

The first step for a friend-officiant is to get ordained online, which they can do right now for free with AMM by clicking the link below. Then check the officiant requirements in your state to see if any paperwork needs to be filed with the county clerk before the ceremony. 

 

• Get ordained online with AMM here
• See Officiant Requirements in your state
   

Friend-officiants can download a sample wedding ceremony script PDF from the AMM Script Library, and personalize it so that it sounds just the way you want it to.  AMM also offers free online officiant training resources, to ensure friend-officiants have the tools they need to do a fantastic job!

 

• Wedding Ceremony Script Library
• Wedding Officiant Training 

 

 

Who should I ask to officiate my wedding? Your 'friend-officiant' might be a beloved college roommate or professor, your favorite neighborhood, a close sibling or friend, or even a parent!  

 

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More Wedding Ideas & Wedding Advice from AMM

 

• Choosing Your Officiant Early Can Offset Arguments During Wedding Planning!
   
• How to stop parents, friends, & relatives from taking over your wedding plan
   
• How to Choose an Officiant & Why a Friend Might Be Best
   

Browse all Wedding Planning articles 

 

 

You may already know the perfect wedding officiant without realizing it! Click the article above to learn how to find a wedding officiant & tips for choosing the best person to officiate.

 

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