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55 Questions a Wedding Officiant Can Ask a Couple to *Really* Get to Know Them

Published Saturday, Dec. 10th, 2022

50 questionable questions a wedding officiant should* ask someone before writing their custom wedding ceremony script… From the ordinary to the absurd.


*should you, though?





Wedding officiants take note: this list of questions goes far beyond the standard officiant’s questionnaire… too far, honestly. 


So if you’re just looking for a simple questionnaire to give to your couples, check out the questions listed here instead:



Gather Info for the Ceremony:

Questions for the Couple



Officiants use questionnaires to gather information about a couple’s journey: their likes and dislikes, personalities, values, history, and future plans. These details help the officiant write a custom wedding script that really ‘feels’ like the couple and represents them perfectly on the wedding day. 


This list is something else entirely. 


It’s equal parts helpful, humorous, and downright absurd… a neurotic’s checklist. But sometimes, that’s just what a wedding ceremony calls for! 


You don’t need to ask all of these questions. And you probably shouldn’t.


The couple you’ve been asked to marry doesn’t have time to answer 55 questions, and there are some things you really don’t want to know about them anyway… right? 


But we’re sure you’ll find something on this list to help you write a perfect wedding script – whether the ceremony’s ordinary, extraordinary, or completely unhinged. 


So dig in! (And get ready to laugh.)




100 (Unusual) Questions to Ask a Couple Before Officiating Their Wedding Ceremony


1. Basics: Date, time, and address of the venue?


2. How would you like me to address you during the ceremony? (he / she / they, nickname or full name)


3. How many guests will be there and how well do you know them? 


4. Should I acknowledge any spirits, ancestors, ghosts, or other incorporeal guests during the ceremony? 


5. Will any of your guests be shocked to hear how you and your partner met?


6. Who made the first move?


7. Will any of your guests be shocked to hear how you spend your weekends? 


8. Do your guests share your sense of humor, or roll their eyes when you make a joke?


9. What should I do if a guest falls asleep during the ceremony?


10. What if they start snoring? 



A groom and groomsman point out of a car window making funny faces on the wedding day



11. Can I heckle the guests? 


12. Will your guests heckle me?



Related: Wedding Officiant Advice -- Handling Ceremony Interruptions



13. Will any exes be in attendance who are likely to stir up drama at vow time? 


14. Choose a safe word. Your safe word can be used to pause the ceremony at any time.


15. How likely are you to faint during the ceremony? 


16. Should I just nudge you and keep going if you faint? 


17. How many glasses of wine are you having before the ceremony? 


18. Who will be drunk at your wedding ceremony? 


19. Who’s most likely to cry on the big day? 


20. Do the in-laws like you? 


21. Do the bridesmaids / groomsmen like you?


22. Who’s most likely to object at the wedding?


23. Vow style, pick one: Choose vows out of a hat; Let guests pick your vows; Read the vows your partner wrote; Read the vows I write; or Write your own vows. 



Related: Browse articles on how to write personal wedding vows 



24. Do you want a secular (non-religious), spiritual, or religious ceremony? 


25. If you want a religious ceremony, what religion or religions will be acknowledged?


26. Do you believe in reincarnation? If so, how many past lives have you lived and did you two meet in all of them?


27. Are there any specific wedding readings you’d like to include? 


28. Can I sing or rap any of these readings? 


29. Are there any specific unity ceremonies or rituals you’d like to include? 


30. How comfortable are you with interpretive dance? 



A couple makes funny poses on the wedding day



31. Will you be bringing any live animals? (pets, tigers, alpacas, etc.)



Related: 5 Tips for Including Pets in Your Wedding Ceremony



32. Will you be bringing any puppets, dolls, skeletons, or taxidermy? Are they cursed?


33. Is the ceremony indoors or outdoors? 


34. What will you be wearing? Formal or informal attire?  


35. How many guests will be naked?


36. Tell me about a wedding you didn’t like, and why. 


37. Tell me about a wedding you loved, and why. 


38. Why did you choose your venue, and what does it mean to you?


39. Will guests be seated in a circle around the altar or in rows with a traditional aisle?


40. Seance or no seance? 



Bridesmaids, groomsmen, and bride and groom stand in a long row arm and arm smiling on the wedding day



41. Do you want me to use an accent? 


42. What accent do you want me to use? 


43. Seriously though, my Italian accent is excellent. 


44. Would you like me to include visual aids, like flashcards, a whiteboard, or a Powerpoint presentation? 


45. What color is your aura? Should I dress to match this?


46. Will you be exchanging rings? Tattoos? Gifts? Meaningful glances?


47. What’s your Enneagram number or Myers-Briggs type? 


48. What’s your astrological sign? (Sun, rising, moon sign?)


49. Which Muppet are you?



Related: Wedding Officiants: This Quiz Tells You Which Muppet You Are, Based on Your Officiating Style



50. What memorable thing did your partner say to you during your first conversation?


51. Unity ritual, pick one: Build a sandwich; Leg wrestle; Tequila shots; Jump the broom; Unity Candle Lighting; Hokey pokey. 


52. How would your best friend describe your vibe?


53. Funniest memory you have of your partner?


54. What are your partner’s biggest quirks?


55. What does marriage mean to you? 







Officiant Quick Tip: The Questionnaire


What question surprises couples the most?

with Officiant Amber Olsen

Watch this short informative interview with AMM Minister and professional wedding officiant Amber Olsen as she shares which question on her questionnaire surprises couples the most during wedding ceremony planning.



Screenshot of the opening image for "officiant quick tip" with a photo of AMM Minister Amber Olsen







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Jessica Levey
Jessica Levey

Lead Staff Writer & Illustrator

Jessica loves exploring the history and magic of ritual, the connections between people and places, and sharing true stories about love and commitment. She's an advocate for marriage equality, LGBTQ+ rights, and individuality, and is an ordained Minister with AMM. When she’s not writing or illustrating for AMM, she enjoys city hikes, fantasy novels, comics, and traveling.

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