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The Best Worst Wedding Jokes (You’ll Secretly Laugh At)

Published Thursday, Apr. 1st, 2021

Would you include these jokes and funny quotes in your wedding toast, speech, or ceremony?


Couples with an offbeat sense of humor know: there’s never been a dad joke or off-color pun so obscure that someone won’t get a laugh out of it. A few comedians have even made a living at it! 


So as April Fools rolls around, and guests plot their best wedding toast one-liners and gag gifts, let’s take a moment to explore a sampling of the vast array of wedding jokes and comedic quotes available to us. 



That’s right, we’ve scoured the corners of the world wide web to bring you the best worst wedding jokes you’ll secretly laugh at… Get ready to groan!




  • Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I heard they met on the web.


  • Ladies and gentlemen, it's been a very emotional day! Even the cake is in tiers.


  • What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married? Cantelope.


  • “I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” (Rita Rudner


  • Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? Their reception was terrific.


  • Sweetheart One: Knock knock.

Sweetheart Two: Who’s there? 
Sweetheart One: Marry.
Sweetheart Two: Marry Who? 
Sweetheart One: Marry Me! 



watercolor sketch illustration of three women laughing at wedding jokes




  • “I was the best man to a wedding one time, that was pretty good. Pretty good title, I thought, best man. I thought it was a bit much. I thought we'd have the groom and a pretty good man. That's more than enough. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?”  (Jerry Seinfeld)


  • Are you French? Because Eiffel for you...


  • If it’s true that love is blind… marriage is definitely an eye-opener.


  • A couple had been married for 50 wonderful years. I asked them if, in all that time, they’d ever thought of divorce… “Heavens no,” they replied. “Murder, yes. But never divorce.”


  • “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.” (Mignon McLaughlin)


  • “Love is a lot like a backache; It doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.”  (George Burns)




If you’ve found someone to laugh at all your jokes, even the bad ones, why not marry them?


Have another funny friend officiate your wedding! 

Become an ordained minister online for free with AMM. 



You might like: 






Or read about this wedding performed by our funniest ordained minister, Mr. Stephen Colbert



Jessica Levey
Jessica Levey

Lead Staff Writer & Illustrator

Jessica loves exploring the history and magic of ritual, the connections between people and places, and sharing true stories about love and commitment. She's an advocate for marriage equality, LGBTQ+ rights, and individuality, and is an ordained Minister with AMM. When she’s not writing or illustrating for AMM, she enjoys city hikes, fantasy novels, comics, and traveling.

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