5 Reasons Not to Have a Friend Officiate Your Wedding

Hesitant about having a friend officiate your wedding ceremony? Take a look at the most common concerns (& why we think friend officiants are still the best)

 

 

In the spirit of full disclosure, we believe having a friend officiate your wedding is a wonderful idea—but we know it’s not for everyone.

 

Below, we've listed some common reasons people hesitate to choose a friend-officiant, along with simple counterpoints to help you decide which type of officiant is right for your wedding.

 

For more help finding a wedding officiant and understanding who can officiate a wedding in your area, check out: Choosing a Wedding Officiant: What (or Who) Are Your Options?

 

Then read: 5 Great Reasons to Ask a Friend to Officiate Your Wedding

 

 

5 Reasons Why a Friend Officiant Might Not Be Best for You 
(And Why They Could Be!)

 

1. You gotta hit that budget and would rather spend money on a professional officiant.

 

Some people can easily afford the cost of a wedding officiant, which averages between $200-$600 for a quick elopement and $400-$1,200+ for a typical wedding ceremony. If it’s important to you to hire a professional who knows exactly what they’re doing, where to stand, and where to sign, and you don’t mind paying for it, go for it!

 

On the other hand, having a friend officiate is a fantastic choice for an intimate wedding on a budget, leaving more money for the honeymoon or afterparty: How Much Should You Pay a Friend to Officiate Your Wedding?

 

And remember, AMM offers free online training for first-time officiants to ensure friend-officiants are confident and prepared on the wedding day: Wedding Officiant Training

 

Speaking of true wealth: Our relationships are what make us rich! Having a family member as your wedding officiant is a once-in-a-lifetime experience that you and your wedding guests will always remember. Having this personal connection with your officiant will add an extra layer of meaning and symbolism to the ceremony that money just can’t buy. Not to mention having a friend officiate is just more fun! 

 

Related: Can’t Afford a Wedding? How to Get Married for (Almost) Free

 

 

How much do you want to spend on your wedding? Understanding your wedding budget can help you decide whether having a friend officiate, or hiring a professional officiant, is the best choice for you. (Photo: franckreporter / iStock)

 

2. You love your friends but are they up to the pressure? 

 

You love your friends and family, and they’d do just about anything for you… But let’s be real. You've seen them stress over a complicated brunch menu, and you can easily picture them sweating through a dress shirt as they read the wedding script in front of a crowd. If this is the case, a professional officiant might be best. 

 

On the other hand, a friend or family member who’s organized, flexible, and well-spoken is a great choice! In fact, you know just the person... How to Choose an Officiant & Why a Friend Might Be Best

 

And remember, AMM offers free online training for first-time officiants to ensure friend-officiants are confident and prepared on the wedding day: Wedding Officiant Training

 

Speaking of wedding day nerves: Come to think of it, you might be a little nervous yourself... and unlike a professional officiant, your friend can tell when you're feeling the stress, and they know just what to say to help you relax and enjoy the moment! They'll have you laughing in no time. Having them beside you on the wedding day will keep you calm, centered, and focused on what really matters – friends, family, and love.

 

Related: How to Ask Someone to Officiate Your Wedding

 

WILL YOU MARRY US? OFFICIANT GIFT BOX

3. Your friend is a terrible dresser and will embarrass you in wedding photos.

 

It’s just us here, we won’t tell them what you’re thinking! If you think your friend or relative has an awful fashion sense, or otherwise won’t look presentable in your carefully-curated wedding photos (too many tattoos for your liking, a penchant for neon spandex bicycle shorts, etc.), then maybe it's best to hire a professional officiant. (It might be best for your friend, too — everyone deserves to be loved as their authentic selves, spandex shorts and all.)

 

On the other hand, most friend officiants are thrilled to get dressed up for a wedding, especially with some thoughtful guidance from the wedding couple or a simple dress code: What to Wear (and Not Wear) as a Wedding Officiant
 
Speaking of a tailored look: Another benefit of having a friend officiate your wedding is that they can easily tailor your wedding ceremony to fit you perfectly. Friends and family members can include personal anecdotes, sweet stories, and specific cultural traditions that might not fit with a more formal approach. Your ceremony can be as unique as your relationship, designed to be exactly what you want.

 

 

Sleek, sophisticated, stylish! Whether a friend officiates or you hire a professional, let your wedding officiant know before the wedding what the level of formality will be (casual, cocktail, black-tie, themed). Be sure to mention any colors or styles they should avoid wearing, too. This will help them dress for success and deliver your ceremony in style. (Photo: g-stockstudio / iStock)

 

 

4. Will everyone will be jealous? Will choosing a single relative to officiate the wedding start a family feud? 

 

If you're worried that choosing one person to officiate is going to make everyone else upset, then it might be best to hire a professional wedding officiant. (You can work on that stressful family dynamic later…)

 

On the other hand, it’s your wedding and you can do anything you want to! Don’t let family pressure or bickering keep you from the having the wedding day of your dreams: How to stop parents, friends, & relatives from taking over your wedding plan

 

Besides, you can always have two wedding officiants, or several co-officiants! Check out: Co-Officiating a Wedding Ceremony: The More the Marrier? 

 

Speaking of family: A close friend can help you create a wedding ceremony that reflects your personalities and relationship in ways that a hired pro never could. They know your history, your sense of humor, what you value, your inside jokes, everything you've overcome and achieved together, all your shared experiences. They can tell your love story better than anyone else!

 

This deep connection with your officiant makes the wedding day even more meaningful and memorable, bringing everyone you love closer together on your special day. 

 

 

Having a friend or family member as your officiant can make the wedding day even more meaningful, and brings everyone you love closer together on the big day. If you can't choose just one person for the role, consider choosing two or more loved ones to co-officiate the ceremony and share the honor! (Photo: AscentXmedia / iStock)

 

 

5. Is it really legal for my friend to officiate the wedding? Is online ordination legal in my state? 

 

This is one of the most common concerns we hear, and it’s an important consideration. Some couples might be most comfortable getting married in a church by a brick-and-mortar clergy member, or at the courthouse to avoid this worry.

 

On the other hand…

 

Online ordination with American Marriage Ministries (AMM) is recognized in every state, and Friend Officiants who are ordained with AMM can legally officiate weddings in every state* (though it's much harder in Virginia, where we're looking into our options). Your friend might need to register their ordination with a local county clerk’s office, and then they’re all set! 

 

• How Do I Know the Wedding I Officiate Will be Legal?

 

• How to Become a Wedding Officiant Online


• Can you legally perform a wedding ceremony for your friends and family?

 

And remember, many for-hire professional officiants are also ordained online through American Marriage Ministries and similar online churches – in fact many professional officiants started out as a ‘friend officiant’ who was ordained online, and then realized they love the role of marrying people! 

 

• How to Tell if Your Officiant Can Perform a Legal Wedding

 

Asking a friend or family member to officiate shows them how much you trust and value them. It’s a unique honor to marry two people, and being able to support and celebrate you in this way will make them feel truly special. They’ll play an important role on your big day, you’ll have a one-of-a-kind experience and memories that last a lifetime. 

Become a minister today!

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More Wedding Advice & Ideas

 

• Asking a Friend or Family Member to Officiate Your Wedding? Read This First...

 

• Avoid These 5 Common Wedding Ceremony Regrets (Advice For Couples & Officiants)

 

• 12 Questions to Ask Your Wedding Officiant Before Signing a Contract
   

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