What Does It Mean to Elope & Is It Right for You?

What Does ‘Elope’ Mean? 

 

‘Let’s just elope!’ 

 

This phrase probably makes you picture two young lovers, running off to a courthouse or a Las Vegas wedding chapel to get married in secret. After all, pop culture usually portrays eloping as a no frills, no family, ‘just the two of us’ wedding experience. 

 

But is that really what ‘elope’ means? A secret wedding with no friends? No way, not anymore! The meaning of elopement has changed a lot over the years, and that old definition doesn’t always fit. 

 

 

What does it mean to Elope? Meaning changes over time, and that’s definitely true for the elopement definition! These days, an elopement is a small, nontraditional ceremony that’s centered around the couple getting married. (Photo: Frank Simonetti / Adobe Stock)

 

 

So, what does it mean to elope? Meaning for modern couples

 

A modern elopement is a small, nontraditional wedding that’s centered on the couple. You might drive to Vegas to elope in secret, or you might invite your parents and a couple of friends to watch you elope at a local park. Both of these experiences are elopements! 

 

In general, an elopement ceremony has fewer guests and is less complicated than a traditional wedding – but you’ll still need to plan a few things! Click the link below to get started: 

 

How to Elope:

The Complete Elopement Checklist

 

 

Because elopement ceremonies are small, you can have one in a location where a traditional wedding might be impossible (or at least impossible to afford) – on a mountainside, in a museum, on the front porch, in a garden, or while sipping custom cocktails at your favorite bar. There are fewer limits when it comes to eloping! 

 

How would you define ‘elope’? Modern elopement meaning is about creating a personal experience that is uniquely you, without the social pressures of the past. Elopements are usually smaller and less stressful than traditional weddings – and you don’t have to put anyone you don’t want to on the guest list! (Photo: Abigail Marie / Adobe Stock)

 

 

The History of Eloping

 

The old ‘elope’ definition was to “run away secretly in order to get married, especially without parental consent.” (via Oxford Languages) This might even be the definition you thought of earlier!

That’s because in the past, there were strict rules about who you could and couldn’t marry, and family elders could even choose who you married – without you having any say in it! Because of these strict rules, young people who were in love with ‘unacceptable’ partners sometimes ran away to get married in a place where their families couldn’t stop them – they eloped! 

 

Related: You Need This Illustrated Handfasting Ceremony Guide!

 

Over time, things changed and so did the reasons for eloping. Young people could choose who to marry and there were fewer laws and social norms keeping nontraditional couples apart. But there were still a lot of social expectations around the right and wrong way to get married, which put a lot of pressure on couples to overspend, celebrate in ways they didn’t like, or to invite people they didn’t like to their weddings. Many of these couples decided to skip the wedding stress and elope somewhere fun instead. 

 

To be honest, modern couples sometimes still elope to avoid family stress or overspending…

 

But most modern elopements aren’t about avoiding anything – they’re about creating something. These days, eloping is about creating a personal experience that is uniquely you. 

 

 

Let’s elope! Meaning changes over time, but some of the reasons for eloping are timeless: ditching social expectations to get hitched in a fun and personal way! (Photo: Кирилл Рыжов / Adobe Stock)

 

 

Elopements vs. Wedding Ceremonies 

 

What's the difference between an elopement ceremony and a traditional wedding ceremony? While an elopement is still technically a wedding, these small ceremonies have a few big differences that make them very appealing.

 

Smaller size

 

In general, an elopement ceremony is smaller than a traditional wedding ceremony and has under 20 guests. Some wedding vendors consider an elopement to be fewer than 10 guests, or a ceremony with only the couple and the witnesses required to sign the marriage license.

 

Learn more: Witness Requirements on Marriage License

 

Intimate experience

 

This smaller guest list means that elopement ceremonies can be a very intimate experience. You might feel less pressure to include traditional wedding elements, including religious or elements. You can do things your way, in front of the friends and family members you choose.

 

Fewer limits on location

 

A short guest list means a smaller ‘footprint’ than a traditional wedding, so you can hold your ceremony almost anywhere: on a mountainside, in a museum, on the front porch, in a garden, or while sipping custom cocktails at your favorite bar. 

 

Average elopement cost vs. average wedding cost

 

How much does it cost to elope? Elopements are usually less expensive than traditional weddings, but the cost can vary quite a bit. To find the average cost of eloping, you should consider the type of elopement you want and the ‘extras’ you choose to pay for. See examples below! 

 

How much does it cost to elope? Average cost of eloping by type: 

 

• Destination elopement: If you plan a fun destination elopement or adventure elopement, you’ll need to pay for travel and lodging on top of purchasing a marriage license and hiring a wedding officiant to perform your ceremony. You might hire a photographer or videographer to take pictures, or rent a special venue in your destination. And so on! The average cost for this type of elopement is between $3,000 to $8,000, according to The Knot.

 

• Courthouse or city hall elopement: If you plan to elope at the courthouse or city hall, you will pay a ceremony fee and the marriage license cost, which varies from $10 to $150+ depending on your location. 

 

• Private elopement at home: If you plan a private elopement at home, you will need to hire a wedding officiant (or ask a friend to officiate your wedding for free!) and purchase a marriage license. For a low budget elopement, you can have friends take photos and bring food potluck-style. This type of elopement usually costs between $300 and $1500, depending on the type of vendors you choose to hire. 

 

As you can see, the average cost of an elopement depends on what type of elopement you want, but it will still cost less than the average traditional wedding price – which is around $35,000 for 150 guests! 

 

If you elope, just remember to budget for wedding attire, refreshments before and after, and the cost to rent (or travel to) your venue. In general, the fewer guests you invite, the lower your costs will be.

 

 

Have you wondered, 'what is elope?', and why do some couples choose to do it instead of having a traditional wedding? There are lots of reasons to elope - keep reading to see which reasons are best for you!  (Photo: Manakin / iStock)

 

 

Reasons to Elope

 

As you can see, the differences between a traditional wedding and an elopement ceremony can make eloping a very appealing choice! You might choose to elope to: 

 

Elope to save money

 

Elopements can cost a lot less money than a traditional wedding, making them a great choice for couples on a budget. This leaves more money for other things you might enjoy: a honeymoon or vacation, the downpayment on a home, moving into a new apartment, having a child, or paying down debt.

 

Plan an intimate elopement experience

 

Elopements are smaller and have fewer guests than a traditional wedding, making them a more intimate experience. This offers a chance to make special memories, be more selective about who’s around on the wedding day, and enjoy more one-on-one time with each of your guests (and each other!). 

 

Reduce wedding stress 

 

Elopements have fewer “moving parts” to plan than a traditional wedding, which cuts down on the overall stress of the wedding day – and the weeks leading up to it. Eloping can also cut down on financial stress, emotional stress, and social stress: a nontraditional wedding means fewer expectations to do things the ‘right way,’ giving you more room to be yourself and enjoy the day.

 

Eloping is fun and exciting

 

Eloping gives you the chance to think outside the box and get creative with your wedding day. And eloping is fun! You can elope almost anywhere, including some really unique venues. You can have a skydiving wedding, elope in your favorite ice cream parlor, say ‘I do’ at a music festival, or take your vows on a train – almost anything you dream up is possible when you elope. Traditional weddings offer chances for creativity, but they come with unavoidable limits that most elopements don’t.

 

 

"They eloped!" Meaning changes over time, and most of the old definitions and myths about eloping just aren't true anymore! Keep reading to debunk some of these common elopement misunderstandings. (Photo: Kosamtu / iStock)

 

 

Debunking Common Myths of Eloping

 

Myth #1: Elopements Aren’t ‘Real’ Weddings (Not True!)

 

Some people still hold on to the idea that eloping isn’t a ‘real’ wedding. Maybe you’re one of those people, and that’s ok! If you think that you’d regret not having a big wedding with all your friends and family there to cheer you on, or that you’d miss walking down the aisle in your local church with your community watching, then eloping probably isn’t for you. That’s ok, your wedding day should reflect what’s most important to you! 

 

But elopements are definitely real weddings! And they are just as special, meaningful, memorable, and legal as a traditional wedding. You will complete all the same marriage paperwork, exchange wedding rings and personal vows if you want to, and celebrate with the people who are most important to you. 

 

Myth #2: Eloping Means You Have to ‘Run Away’

 

False! Eloping doesn’t mean you have to ‘run away.’ Many couples elope close to home, or in their homes! And you can invite your parents or close friends to your elopement ceremony to share in the joy of the day. 

 

Of course if you want to ‘run away’ to elope, you definitely can! Destination elopements and adventure elopements are a fun way to add some romance and excitement to the wedding day. You can combine your elopement and honeymoon in an exotic location, or just get away from family and work for a few days to yourselves.

 

Myth #3: Families Can’t Be Involved

 

One of the most common and enduring myths about eloping is that only the couple getting married and their officiant are present at the ceremony – no friends or family allowed. This is not true at all! 

 

You might elope in a ‘just us’ ceremony, but you can also invite friends and family to join in your big day! Your family can participate as guests, help with planning and set up, and even officiate your wedding for you! 

Myth #4: Elopements Have to Happen at a Courthouse

 

You don’t have to head to the courthouse or city hall to elope. Your elopement ceremony can happen in almost any location you choose: a park, a candle-lit restaurant, underwater or on the beach, in a hip wedding chapel, or at the Grand Canyon, and so many other fun options! 

 

All you must have to elope is your marriage license, a wedding officiant, and a wedding witness or two (if required in your state) – where you elope is up to you! You can even ask a friend or relative to get ordained online to marry you, which is much more personal and memorable than having a stuffy judge or clerk as your wedding officiant! 

 

How to Officiate a Wedding 

 

Myth #5: Eloping Means You Can’t Have a Reception Party

 

Want to skip the stress of a big wedding but still have a fun party with all your favorite people afterwards? Do it!  Eloping doesn’t mean you can’t have a reception, and lots of couples choose this route. 

 

Here's what to do: Take your vows and sign your marriage license in an intimate private ceremony; then celebrate your new marriage with friends! This is also a great way to keep your wedding day affordable; plan a low-key ceremony and save your money for the party afterward. 

 

 

An elopement with children? Yes! Plan your dream elopement your way! Elopements are a way to create a meaningful and intimate wedding experience that's centered around you and your family. (Photo: Lisa5201 / iStock)

 

 

Tips to Plan Your Dream Elopement

 

Here are a few tips to help you start planning your elopement! 

 

How to plan an elopement: 

 

Set a budget to elope

 

Decide how much you have to spend on your elopement. Your budget will help you set realistic goals for location options, wedding date (how long you need to save or plan ahead to pay for your dream elopement), and other important factors. 

 

Decide where to elope  

 

Decide if you want to elope in a fun destination out of state, or if you want to elope closer to home. Then, choose a specific location for your dream elopement. This might be a Vegas style chapel, the courthouse, or your favorite national park with epic views – it’s up to you! 

 

Pick a wedding date 

 

Now that you have a budget and your dream location, it’s time to pick a wedding date. You might pick a wedding date using numerology, choose a meaningful anniversary or holiday, or choose a weekday during a ‘slow season’ to save money (depending on your dream location). 

 

Book your elopement venue (or request any needed permits / permission)

 

Have your location and a date picked out? It’s time to book your venue and lock things down! Keep in mind that in-demand venues can book up fast, so you might need to be flexible about your wedding date, choose a less popular venue, or book more than a year in advance. If you want to elope in a public park, or somewhere like a museum or library, you might need a permit or prior permission to get married there. 

 

Write your guest list

 

Now that you know where and when you’re getting married, it’s time to get your friends and family on board! Choose who you want beside you on the big day and write your guest list. But remember, elopements are generally smaller than a traditional wedding – under 10 or 20 guests is the typical size. (Otherwise you’re heading into minimony or small wedding territory.)

 

Check the marriage laws in the state where your ceremony will take place 

 

As your wedding date approaches, it’s time to gather details about what to do to legally marry in your dream location. It’s your responsibility to apply for a marriage license, and you’ll need to do that in the state (or county) where your ceremony will take place. Make a note of when you should apply for your marriage license (how long before the ceremony) and how long you will have after the ceremony to file the completed paperwork.

 

Choose an elopement wedding officiant

 

It’s time to choose a wedding officiant! You can hire a professional wedding officiant in your dream location, or ask a friend or relative to officiate your wedding. 

 

(If you are eloping at the courthouse, your officiant will be the clerk at the courthouse. You do not need to find another officiant.)

 

Arrange any other wedding vendors

 

Revisit your elopement budget. By now, you should know the cost of your venue, marriage license fee, and the cost of your wedding officiant. These are the essential ingredients to elope. Do you have money left over? If so, hire other vendors you want supporting you on the wedding day, including a photographer or videographer. 

 

Apply for a marriage license

 

Every state has its own laws about how long a marriage license is valid after it’s issued, and how long you have to wait to get your license after you apply. This means that you don’t want to apply for the paperwork too soon, or too late! 

 

Once your ceremony is approaching and falls within your state’s marriage waiting period and marriage license expiration date, it’s time to apply! 

 

Write your wedding vows & fine tune your ceremony details

 

If you want to write your own wedding vows, you can do this step at any point in the planning process. Just make sure you have your vows written before the ceremony! If you want to include a special unity ceremony in your elopement, talk to your wedding officiant ahead of time so that they can include it in the wedding ceremony outline and wedding script.

 

Elope and get married! 

 

When your wedding date arrives, it’s time to get to your venue and exchange those vows with your officiant. Your officiant will sign your marriage license and pronounce you married. 

 

Depending on the rules in your wedding state, you or your officiant will file the completed marriage license within the ‘marriage license return period.’ 

 

After you return the marriage license, you’re legally married! You can plan a reception party with friends or family, hit the road on your honeymoon, or just enjoy the bliss of finally being married. 

 

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Let Your Loved One Officiate Your Wedding or Elopement Ceremony! 

Good things happen when friends and relatives help out at the wedding ceremony! Having a friend officiate your elopement is a great way to ensure the wedding day is as intimate and personal as it can be. When the guest list is small, every moment means more! 

Ask a friend or family member to officiate your wedding with free online ordination through American Marriage Ministries (AMM). 

|* custom-button, "https://theamm.org/ordination-application", "ORDAINED MINISTER ONLINE APPLICATION" *|

Why AMM? American Marriage Ministries is an inclusive nondenominational internet church that ordains and trains ministers to officiate marriage ceremonies. We are a recognized 501(c)(3) nonprofit church, and help people from all backgrounds and beliefs become ordained ministers for weddings. Our online ordination is free, accessible, and never expires.

 

Officiating weddings is an incredible honor, and a great way to show your love and support for the people getting married. As a wedding officiant, you will help to create memorable ceremonies and memories that last a lifetime.

AMM Ministers can legally officiate weddings in every state* (it's much harder in Virginia, where we're looking into our options). After getting ordained with AMM, you might need to register your ordination with your local county clerk’s office. Click the link above to get started! 

 

 

Become an ordained minister online with American Marriage Ministries and officiate wedding for friends and relatives. (Photo cropped: Biserka Stojanovic / iStock)

 

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More Eloping Ideas & Inspiration: 

 

• ‘Preloping’ - A Cute Name for Signing a Marriage License Before the Wedding
   
• Why You Should Elope (An Illustrated Guide)
   
• Did You Elope During The Pandemic? It's Time To Renew Those Marriage Vows!
   
• Elope! With Inspiration from Dolly Parton & Carl’s 1966 Spring Elopement Ceremony
   

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