If You Don't Have Sex After Your Wedding, Are You Married?

Is a marriage legally valid if you don’t have sex on the wedding night – or ever?

 

Is a marriage legal without consummation? We’re tackling this taboo topic from a strictly legal standpoint, because while pop culture and religion may have strong opinions on the role of sex in your marriage, we don’t. 

 

We’re here to give you useful information, to help you ensure your wedding ceremony and marriage are legal. Usually our focus is on how to officiate a wedding – helping your friend or family member get ordained online, and giving them the resources they need to perform a legal wedding. Your wedding night isn’t really our business…

 

But there are a lot of myths about the wedding night, and this question gets asked an awful lot:  

 

“Is consummation required for marriage?”

 

Let’s clear up a few things for you on the topic of marriage consummation! 

 

(Photo: fstop123 / iStock)

 

Disclaimer: American Marriage Ministries is a church, not a law firm. The information shared here is for general educational purposes only and isn’t legal advice. Marriage laws vary by state, so if you have specific legal questions about your situation, we strongly recommend that you consult a qualified attorney in your area.

 

 

What Does it Mean to Consummate a Marriage?

 

Consummation is often defined as  “making a marriage or relationship complete by having sexual intercourse.” But this isn’t a legal definition, just a common understanding of the word. And consummation isn’t a legal act in the US, it’s a personal choice made between two consenting adults.

 

Some religions view consummation as a necessary and essential part of a marriage, representing a spiritual and physical act that formalizes the union – such as a couple becoming “one flesh” in Catholicism. But these religious views are necessarily separate from secular state marriage laws, which serve couples from all faiths.

 

 

If You Don't Have Sex After Your Wedding, Are You Married? 

 

Yes. In the United States, marriage is a legal contract, and you don’t have to have sex with your partner to be legally married. If you have a valid marriage license that’s signed and filed, and a recognized wedding officiant performs your ceremony, you’re married – with or without the post-ceremony whoopie. 

 

Some married partners have sex, some married partners don’t, and it’s no one’s business how, or how often, it happens. Every relationship is different! 

 

Learn how to make your wedding ceremony legal: 

 

• 5 Great Reasons to Ask a Friend to Officiate Your Wedding
• How to Tell if Your Officiant Can Perform a Legal Wedding
• Can you get married without a marriage license? 
• Watch: What does an officiant have to say to make a wedding ceremony legal?
• Understanding the Wedding License Process

 

 

Which States Require Consummation of Marriage?

 

As we explain in the section above, no US state requires a couple to consummate a marriage (have sex after the wedding ceremony) for that marriage to be legally valid. Consummation isn’t a legal requirement for marriage anywhere in the US. 

 

 

If a Marriage is Never Consummated, Can It Be Annulled?

 

Sometimes, a state will grant an annulment due to lack of consummation if specific conditions are met – but state laws vary widely on the topic. In general, these types of annulments are limited to cases where one partner couldn’t consent to sex at the time of marriage, or if they have a “physical incapacity” for sex (or inability to have sex), which the other partner didn’t know about before they got married. In most cases, the suit for annulment must be brought within a reasonable timeframe, usually a few years of marriage. 

 

For example, in Michigan, a partner can file for annulment on the grounds of “physical incapacity” within 2 years of marriage (MCL § 552.39). And in Alaska, there could be grounds to void a marriage (similar to annulment) if it’s never consummated, if one partner was fraudulently led to believe something different (AS § 25.05.031). 

 

It’s worth noting that “physical incapacity” isn’t the same as refusal or disinterest, sometimes called “willful refusal.” No one can be forced or coerced to have sex, even in marriage, and unwillingness usually isn’t grounds for annulment.

 

 

“We still haven't consummated our marriage…”

 

If you haven’t consummated your marriage and are considering annulment, remember: You’re still legally married until the suit to annul, void, or invalidate the marriage is decided – and it’s up to the lawyers and judges who understand the state’s specific laws to interpret them. We recommend you contact a trusted legal professional in the state where your wedding took place to learn more. 

 

 

Explore more articles related to the sometimes-taboo topic of marriage & consummation: 

 

• Sex at the Wedding: Are Public Consummation & Bedding Ceremonies Making a Comeback?

 

• Why Lavender Marriage is Making a Modern Comeback

 

• Platonic Marriage: Why Friends Say ‘I Do’ & How to Officiate These Unconventional Ceremonies

 

• Platonic best friends wed, redefining marriage with a love that transcends romance

 

---

 

Make Your Wedding Ceremony Legal – Your Way! With Help From AMM

 

However you celebrate on the wedding night, American Marriage Ministries is here to help ensure your wedding ceremony is legal and memorable! With AMM, you can: 

 

• Become an ordained minister for free in about a minute
• Officiate legally-recognized weddings across the country for friends and family members
• Get guidance on the marriage license process, so your documents are filled out right the first time

 

Marriage is about love, commitment, and personal choice – on the wedding day, and every moment afterward. When a loved one steps up to officiate with online ordination from AMM, a wedding is sure to be personal, intimate, and unique. Just click the link below to get started! 

|* ordination-button *|

Get ordained online free with AMM and officiate weddings for friends and family! (Photo: FOTOGRAFIA INC. / iStock)

 

---