6 Pieces of Unconventional Wedding Advice for Modern Couples

Alternative Wedding Planning: 6 Pieces of Advice for Nontraditional Couples

 

 

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Despite what you may have heard, there’s no right and wrong way to plan your wedding ceremony. Weddings are definitely not one size fits all: one couple’s dream wedding might be another couple’s panic attack in action – and one expert’s best wedding advice might be another expert’s biggest pet peeve. 

 

So, in support of nontraditional couples and alternative weddings everywhere, here’s a collection of unconventional wedding advice from wedding professionals, to-be-weds, and newlyweds from across the web. 

 

 

6 Gems of Unconventional Wedding Advice for Unconventional Couples

(Quotes have been lightly edited for grammar and clarity)

 

1. Get Ready for the Wedding Together

 

The ‘First Look’ tradition has been around forever, but many modern couples recommend ditching this old custom in favor of a shared dressing room and more shared time with your sweetheart. 

 

Those in favor of a couple getting ready for the wedding together say:

 

• “We're going to get ready together…We might be a little different though because we're not into all of the superstitious stuff… A first look would be pretty anticlimactic for us. Another reason I wanted to get ready together though was so we could spend time together on our wedding day. Once the events kick off I feel like it's about hanging out with guests more so than with your SO so I wanted us to squeeze in as much time together as possible before the day becomes about other people.” (sgill092)

 

• “We are planning to get ready together. We’re not doing a wedding party, and frankly I’d rather have him helping me fix my dress/makeup/whatever than anyone else. It’ll give us both a chance to relax and gear up before putting our game faces on for the day.” (livejumbo)

 

• “This sounds really fun and as a photographer this sounds like a DREAM.” (hjokp) 

 

Getting Ready Together: Wedding traditions like the 'First Look' and old superstitions suggest that couples get ready separately to build anticipation and avoid bad luck. But many of today's couples are choosing to get ready together so they can spend more time with each other on the big day. (Photo: madisonwi / iStock)

 

 

2. Walk Down the Aisle Together

 

Traditional weddings start with each partner walking down the aisle separately; historically with a father walking the bride down the aisle. But that doesn’t work for every couple for SO many reasons! Many couples are choosing to walk down the aisle together instead: to start their marriage as equals, to reduce anxiety, and to eliminate gender roles, family expectations, or religious connotations. 

 

Those in favor of a couple taking a walk down aisle together say: 

 

• “First, there are no rules when it comes to weddings and elopements. You can do whatever you want, when you want! Second, it’s not 1950. You can walk in as equals… Third, it’s really sweet to be holding the hand of the person you love and are about to make vows to.” (Kathryn Cooper Weddings)

 

• “We are walking down the aisle together. It's important to me, it has been from day one! I think it's a beautiful sign of unity and equality in the marriage. I love seeing brides being walked down by their dads too, don't get me wrong. It just isn't for me!” (Alexa)

 

• “I went to a wedding a few weeks ago where the grooms walked down the aisle together. It was an outdoor wedding, so they came from opposite sides, walked toward each other, met at the aisle and walked together. It was very well orchestrated, and I liked the symbolism of them walking toward each other then together.” (erinarian)

 

• “Walking down the aisle arm-in-arm, or side-by-side, sends the message that two partners are entering their union equals. They support each other every step of the way as they walk the path of life, both entering and leaving the ceremony side by side. (Plus, it looks great in photos!)” (This wedding advice quote was written by us in the article linked below!)

More on this topic: Walking Down The Aisle Together: A Modern Wedding Procession

 

A bride and groom walking down the aisle together? Sure! Many of today's couples -- of all genders -- are chosing to walk down the aisle together as a symbol of unity, friendship, equality, and love. (Photo: Artem Zakharov / iStock)

 

3. Have a Private Vow Exchange: Exchange Personal Vows in Private Before the Ceremony (or After!)

 

Can you share your vows before the wedding? YES, and a lot of couples are tossing out tradition to read their personal vows in private (during a private vows exchange) before the ceremony starts or after it ends. Because most weddings must include a declaration of intent – the familiar ‘I do’s that are required for a marriage to be legal – your guests won’t know they’ve missed a thing.

 

Those in favor of exchanging private vows on your wedding day say: 

 

• “My spouse and I are big-time introverts.. mixed in with my excitement to get married was a nervousness about reading my vows in front of other people. Then I found out you could read your vows privately. This was a huge relief for me—for both of us.” (Love & Latitudes Elopement Wedding Photographer)

 

• “Couples have the freedom to share their most intimate memories, inside jokes and heartfelt promises within their private vows. There are no rules to follow, no time limitations, no need to edit oneself or think about anything other than your love and commitment to your partner-in-adventure.” (Wedding Officiant Daniela VillaRamos for The Knot)

 

• “We’re doing private vows. To ensure our ceremony was still special, we hand selected three (short) readings that we felt captured our relationship and hopes for our future, and every time I read them I tear up lol.” (19191215lolly)

 

• “We are saving our actual vows for our honeymoon and doing a very watered down version at the ceremony. We both fear we would get too emotional reading them beforehand, and also think reading them in front of that many people sounds like hell lol… Plus waiting for our honeymoon to share our vows extends the wedding a bit!” (bskies-297)

 

 

Reading vows privately can build intimacy, reduce stress and anxiety, and create a special moment that shared just between the two of you. You can share inside jokes and stories, use any language you want to, and no one will see if you cry... Not to mention a private vow exchange is so romantic! (Photo: franz12 / iStock)

 

 

4. Don’t be Afraid to Consider Unconventional Wedding Venue Ideas

 

Your wedding venue will be one of your most expensive wedding costs – unless you go the unconventional route! Consider having your wedding in a cemetery, library meeting room, community center, movie theater, book store, art gallery, yoga studio, wine bar, or backyard, or any other beautiful but off-the-radar venue. You might have to pay to rent chairs and other essentials, but if you love unique weddings & DIY vibes, this might be the way to go.

 

Those in favor of unconventional wedding venues say: 

 

• "'Adventure weddings' take place on top of a mountain, or underneath a waterfall, or deep within a canyon...basically the more epic and off-the-beaten-path the location, the better. Adventure destinations are perfect for the thrill-seeking couple who loves to trek and travel—and who wants a truly exhilarating alternative to the traditional venue!" (The experts at Here Comes the Guide)

 

• “Museums, archives, libraries, societies, private clubs, golf courses, sports arenas, music halls, theaters, historic buildings, private homes, zoos, aquariums, government/ municipal buildings, shopping centers, schools/ universities, parks, gardens, amusement parks, arcades, cinemas, bowling alleys, summer camps, cafes, restaurants, breweries, distilleries, wineries, hotels, spas, farms, ranches, monuments, landmarks, galleries… Pretty much anywhere. Lots of places will host a private event if you pay them… We got married at a theater that hosts about 1 wedding per decade.” (itinerantdustbunny)

 

• “I’m getting married in a high school auditorium / theater.” (Cassandrad223)

 

• “Wedding day we hired a mini bus to take our guests out to Red Rock Canyon. We had a handfasting out in the desert at sunset and it was gorgeous. A bit cold but beautiful. Bus then took everyone to the casino for dinner…” (indiareef)

 

• “I'm actually getting married in a culinary studio. It's in a sort of multipurpose building, but it's a couple of stories up, light colored cement floors, & has ceiling-to-floor windows all the way around. Sure, there are also giant refrigerators on one side of the room, but hey. We knew we wanted a more industrial & minimalistic space, walked in, & immediately committed. It ended up being about a quarter of the cost of the rest of the typical "wedding" venues in the area, & we get all of our tables, chairs, lights, & sound system included for free.” (ckstarling)

 

 

Adventure weddings take you to some of the most unusual wedding venues of all, from the tops of mountains, to caves and canyons, to deep below the ocean's surface in underwater wedding ceremonies! If you're looking for an unconventional wedding venue, an adventure elopement might be right -- or consider one of the other great options above! (Photo: angel_nt / iStock)

 

 

5. Toss Out Traditional Gender Roles for a Gender Neutral Wedding

 

Weddings have a history of being seriously gendered, with gender dictating every part of the big day, from who pays for the wedding (the bride’s family), to who gets flowers and who doesn’t (sorry, grooms and groomsmen), to who’s allowed to get married to whom in the first place (thank goodness for marriage equality!).

 

Thankfully, many of today’s couples are ditching traditional gender expectations to create weddings that feel more authentic, with collaborative wedding planning,  a gender inclusive / mixed gender wedding party, gender neutral wedding ceremony scripts, queer wedding readings and themes, joint vows, creative unity ceremonies that actually suit them, and much more.

 

Those in favor of fewer gendered expectations give this advice on how to have a gender neutral wedding:

 

• Choose a gender neutral wedding ceremony script! American Marriage Ministries has several to choose from, and you can personalize them with any pronouns you want. Add queer wedding readings, feminist or gender neutral wedding vows, or a gender neutral unity ceremony like a unity candle or toast. (That’s our advice! See all gender neutral wedding scripts / templates here.)

 

• “My best friend is nonbinary and wore a white pantsuit. They looked amazing! The pantsuit had a capelet so they didn't wear a veil. During the ceremony, there was no gendered speech, and we just called them beloved, or the newlyweds. They also had a basket of pins that said "hello my pronouns are ______" and some sharpies. Most people didn't fill them out, but it was helpful because they had a few friends who appreciated letting people know their pronouns without having to explain them.” (MadBlasta)

 

• “I made it very clear with my partner we weren't playing the whole gendered division of labor game. One of the many things I love about him is how on board he is with making sure that doesn't happen in all areas of our lives… I think the cultural ingraining of ‘let the bride do whatever she wants,’ and not realizing that translates to ‘let the bride do all the work,’ is something that runs really deep and is hard to combat. I really don't like when people assume I'm making all the choices. We're both grown ups. This is our party not my party.” (dndbride)

 

• “The wedding industry can be competitive, and vendors will go the extra mile for your business. Before talking to vendors, get some reference photos of what you like. Get ideas from Pinterest and LGBT groups. When talking to vendors, be clear you're avoiding traditional gendered concepts, ask what nontraditional ceremonies they've worked on, and brainstorm on your reference photos. Develop a good collaborative process, and things will turn out great. Don't think too hard about what friends or family will think. Get creative, find inspiration, get ideas from friends, and don't settle just to be polite. You've got this!” (Saphira9)

 

• “Switch ‘Bridesmaids’ and ‘Groomsmen’ to ‘Wedding Party;” “Ask venues to switch out ‘Bridal Suite’ and ‘Groom’s Suite’ signage;” and “Don’t force opposite gender pairings walking down the aisle. Mix it up!” (Theo Nash, Queer Wedding Photographer & Posing Coach)

 

• “My wedding party is also mixed gender on both sides! …People who want dresses are all wearing dark teal, they picked out their own style in the same color. People who want suits are wearing black suits with white shirts, dark teal ties, and optional vests… Everyone gets a bouquet.” (worriedshark)

 

 

Gender neutral wedding vows, gender neutral wedding attire, LGBTQ inclusive wedding scripts, shared planning, and a mixed gender wedding party are just a few ways to push back on outdated gender expectations on the wedding day. (Photo: GabrielPevide / iStock)

 

 

6. If You Don’t Want Them There, Don’t Put Them on the Guest List: On Not Inviting Family to Wedding

 

This one is going to raise a few eyebrows, but many couples are choosing not to invite relatives and others with whom they have strained or limited relationships to their weddings. New schools of thought say: You don’t have to invite people that you don’t really want at your wedding, regardless of your relationship.

 

In the past, relatives were automatically on the guest list and given a polite invitation, even if there was bad blood or history there. These days, many couples are unapologetically saying no to invitations sent out of guilt or obligation, the ‘pity invite,’ and what many experts once considered essential wedding invitation etiquette. 

 

Those in favor of not inviting family to your wedding if you don’t get along (or don’t really know them) say: 

 

• "Family members who don't support your relationship shouldn't be invited to your wedding... This may mean not inviting parents to your wedding as well as cousins or extended family members who aren't rooting for you and speak badly about your relationship... ‘This is a special day and you should be surrounded by people that love and support you well. These are the people that you will be able to lean on down the line when times get hard.’” (Founder Jade Ladson of Jade Ladson Weddings and Wedding League, for The Knot)

 

• “You’re paying for this party, you own the guest list. And why pay for people you don’t like and barely know? Better to pay for people you want to celebrate with you.” (Sugar_Mama76)

 

• “It doesn’t even really matter if they’re close, or if you know them or not. It’s your wedding and you decide who you want there.” (Kat_qit)

 

• “I didn't invite any family to my wedding that I was related to by blood. And it was one of the best days of my life because I didn't have to deal with any of the bullshit stress that they would have provided me on that day. If you're having uncomfortable feelings about it; don't do it. Save yourself the stress on a day that is already bound to be one of the most stressful days of your life since it's a big to do and you're the center of everyone's attention.” (LeslieJade21)

 

• “I eloped and had a courthouse wedding for $115, just me and my husband, and then we just changed our fb status to married while eating some burgers as an announcement lol – it was awesome.” (liesierre)

On that note, this vintage Gilmore Girls scene reveals what can happen when guest realizes they are a wedding pity invite, so keep it in mind! Emily is leaving no stone unturned and no wedding misstep unscolded. (Watch below!)

 

 

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• 5 Great Reasons to Ask a Friend to Officiate Your Wedding

 

See more ideas for Planning a Wedding Ceremony 

 

 

You've already met the perfect wedding officiant for your ceremony - ask a friend or relative to officiate! Click the article above to read 5 great reasons why having a friend officiate your wedding might be right for you.

 

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