How To Include the 5 Love Languages in Your Wedding Vows

Ah, the language of love! 

 

 

No, not French… although, Je t'aime mon amour, veux-tu m'épouser?

 

 

 

We’re talking about the Five Love Languages! 

 

Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch. 

 

You’re probably familiar with these by now, unless you’ve been avoiding social media for a couple decades (but then who could blame you, really). But before we get into why and how to include your partner’s love language in your wedding vows, we’ll go over what they are, just in case. 

 

 

What are the 5 Love Languages?

 

Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch. 

 

These five ‘languages’ took the world of pop psychology by storm nearly 30 years ago, when a Baptist pastor wrote a relationship guide for Christian couples navigating the ups and downs of married life. Despite these unlikely beginnings, and a dash of heteronormative gender roles, the concept has been reimagined for modern audiences and readily embraced by couples from all walks of life. 

 

The concept is simple: 

Each of us likes to be shown love and appreciation in certain ways in our relationships. If we learn how our partner likes to be shown love, we can provide these things often to show them how much we appreciate them. Communicating love this way often leads to happy and lasting relationships. 

 

Examples of each language:

 

Acts of Service: Your partner loves to be shown help and support… Cleaning the house, running errands for them, or cooking a delicious meal. 

 

Receiving Gifts : Your partner loves receiving thoughtful, unexpected, or useful gifts… A new necklace, a card, tickets to a concert, or a handmade scarf. 

 

Quality Time: Your partner loves to spend time together as a couple… Vacationing, trips to the grocery store, movies, taking a cooking class, or watching a movie on the couch.

 

Words of Affirmation: Your partner loves to be told how valued they are, complimented and encouraged… Pet names, long conversations, love letters, or sweet texts during the day. 

 

Physical Touch: Your partner loves physical affection… Holding hands, dancing together, cuddling, or massages.

 

Most of us ‘speak’ a combination of these languages. For example, we might feel loved when our partner treats us to an unexpected date night of dinner and a movie, plus plenty of smooching and flirting: Receiving gifts with a side of quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation.

 

 

 

What do love languages have to do with wedding vows? 

 

Wedding vows are the promises we make to our partner about the future. They describe how we’ll show up in our marriage, how we’ll treat our spouse, and the ways we promise to provide for them -- love languages in action! 

 

Even traditional wedding vows, like “I take you to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to honor, until death do us part,” contain this simple blueprint for showing love and appreciation.

 

In that example, promises are made to have and to hold, through good times and bad, and to love and honor : Quality time and physical touch, words of affirmation and acts of service. 

 

By using your partner’s love language/s to write your personal vows, you can tailor your vows to them as an individual and the special relationship you share. You show them that you understand and value the specific ways they like to be loved, and that you’ll continue to prioritize these needs throughout your marriage. 

 

Talk about the language of love! 

 

 

 

Using your partner’s love language in your wedding vows 

 

Your vows will be easy to write once you’ve identified your partner’s language/s and can speak from your heart to theirs in a language they’ll understand. 

 

Vow examples based on each love language: 

 

Acts of Service

 

• “I promise to support you every step of the way and with every new adventure you take. If you start a business, I’ll answer your phones. If you go back to school, I’ll sharpen your pencils. No matter what you decide to do, I’ll be right beside you to help you reach those dreams.”

 

• “I promise to share daily responsibilities with you, to help make our home a welcoming and warm place to return to at the end of a long day.”

 

• “My love, I can’t believe I’m the one who gets to make you coffee every morning, to bring you toast and blankets while you read, or to argue with the internet company so you don’t have to. I can’t imagine a better way to spend the rest of my life, than giving you the best life.”

 

Receiving Gifts

 

• “I promise you a life full of unexpected flowers, perfect playlists, and epic anniversary parties. I promise to show you each and every day that you’re my Queen.” 

 

• “Sweetheart, I want to shower you with diamonds, build you the house of your dreams, and give you every single beautiful thing you want in this world. I can’t give you all those things today, but you have my heart, and I promise to spend every day forward making your dreams come true.”

 

• “I love the way your face lights up when you get surprised on your birthday, and how you run out into the living room on Christmas morning because you can’t wait to open presents together. I love the passion you bring to every single day, the way you see life as the perfect gift, and I can’t wait to spend mine with you.”

 

Quality Time

 

• “I promise to make time for us, no matter what else is going on. In good times and bad, whether it’s exotic vacations or crazy work days, I’ll be your constant companion.” 

 

• “I remember when we first met and you invited me over to watch Star Wars, because you couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it yet. Beside you on the couch that night, covered in blankets and your cats, I knew there’d never be a place I’d rather be than next to you.” 

 

• “I promise to be a good husband to you. To be someone who’s there, beside you every day, exploring the world with you, growing and learning and loving with you.” 

 

Words of Affirmation

 

• “I remember calling my sister after our first date -- she couldn’t get a word in, I was gushing about you so much. I haven’t stopped since! You’re the most beautiful, brilliant, captivating, hilarious, and gentle person I’ve ever known. I’m so honored to call you my wife.”

 

• “I promise to communicate with you, to share my true feelings with you, and to remind you each and every day how fabulous and fine you are.” 

 

• “Love, I’m grateful for you and everything that’s brought us to this day. Becoming a parent with you, watching you graduate and kick ass at a brand new career, and getting to be in this adventure of life with you. This is only our beginning. You are a force of nature, and I’m the luckiest man to be standing here with you today.”

 

Physical Touch

 

• “I promise to hold you tight when horror movies get too scary, to rub your shoulders at the end of a long day, to kiss you even when we’ve got morning breath, and to curl up next to you every night.”

 

• (while clasping hands) “I promise I won’t ever let go of you, of this life we’re building, of our commitment to each other. I’ll hold your hand as we walk through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, from this day forward, for as long as we live.”

 

• “I promise to play drunken charades with you at every family holiday, and mime embarrassing things to you at work parties when no one’s looking. I promise to take you out dancing every week until our knees get old and our hips give out. I promise to hold you when days are hard and lift you even higher when they’re good. I love you, and I can't wait to call you my wife.”

 

 

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And find more articles with suggestions for Wedding Readings here. 

 

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