Jack Carlson

PROCESSION

(EVERYONE IS SEATED, WEDDING PARTY ENTERS)

INVOCATION

(JACK)

Before we get started, I would like to remind everyone that Holly and Ian hired a wonderful photographer to capture the moments of this momentous occasion. As you saw from the signs at the entrance, we respectfully request that this be an unplugged ceremony so please do not take any photos or videos during the ceremony.

Honored friends and beloved family…Welcome to this blissful night! Ian and Holly thank you all for being here today.

In this day and age, it is not necessary nor expected and even for awhile there...legal for a couple to hold a grand, boisterous celebration of their marriage, but I’m sure it comes to no one’s surprise that these two have elected to do exactly that. Although they already went through with their small legal ceremony last year, and then quickly went back home to continue capturing pictures and videos of their dogs, Ian and Holly decided to formally kick off this new chapter of their lives with a big bang by sharing this extraordinary day with everyone present. We all know that I can genuinely say, both of them recognize and appreciate everyone here and away for being a part of that blessing, while helping to get them to this point today.

Now some of you may be wondering who the hell this informal, man-bun sporting guy is ordaining these two fine people and why I’m up here delaying your drinking, eating, and general tomfoolery, so at the request of the bride and groom, I will briefly introduce myself.

My name is Jack Carlson, privileged and humbled friend to these two wonderful already weds. I met Ian in 10th grade while playing hockey in a few summer leagues throughout high school and you can imagine the surprise on my face when I came down from my room in Delta Chi 3-4 years later to randomly find the shining faces of Bryce Holstad and Ian Middlebrook interested in joining our house… which rapidly rekindled our friendship. Around a year later, Holly would compete for the one of two highly sought positions of Delta Chi Sweetheart and absolutely crushed the competition, meeting Ian for the first time in the process. The next few years were filled of joyous times with Holly and Ian: studying every weekend night, preaching outside of Dinkytown bars about the sins of alcohol and SNUS, warning people that staying out past 10pm was counter to a full night’s rest, and totally never going out for 2am McDonald’s or Taco Bell runs. Little did I know that after 10 years and many powerful memories later, these strangers would become like a brother and sister to me, both of whom I care deeply for; as an only child, it’s difficult for me to communicate how truly profound it is to say that.

Ok, with that prologue complete, now, for what you all travelled here to experience… please join me in bearing witness to this declaration and spiritual union between Ian and Holly in this truly momentous occasion and cherish the memory you all are helping create here today.

DECLARATION OF INTENT

(JACK)

Will you, Holly Middlebrook, take Ian to continue being your lawfully wedded husband, to continually help bring out of his shell, in sickness and in health, in love for Ginger and Denali, for richer or poorer, through random impulse purchases and new hobby commitments, and in support for the Middlebrook family, to build your own family and love unconditionally while walking through dog parks and going on Target runs... side by side forever?

(HOLLY to IAN)

“I still do”

(JACK)

Will you, Ian “Lucky Boy” Middlebrook, take Holly to continue being your lawfully wedded wife, to explore new craft breweries, in sickness and in health, in love for Ginger and Denali, for richer or poorer, in passage of dirty laundry between the washer and dryer, and in support for the Hoenig (hey-nig) family, to build your own family and love unconditionally while walking through dog parks and going on Target runs... side by side forever?

(IAN TO HOLLY)

“I still do”

(CROWD APPLAUSE)

CONNOR READING

Now we ask that everyone direct your attention to Connor Johnson who will be reading aloud “Love” by Roy Croft.

Love by Roy Croft, Read by Connor Johnson

(CROWD APPLAUSE)

RING EXCHANGE

(JACK)

Thank you Connor.

Holly and Ian,

Both of you have elected to exchange rings…to possess a physical, daily reminder of the love you both declared last summer, will continue today… and the love you will cultivate and foster going forward. These rings embody the robust, energetic, and durable trust you maintain for each other…while symbolizing your commitment to uphold that trust.

The journey to this moment has not been without its challenges. But from the start, you have overcome those obstacles, both big and small, together. Remember what you have learned… dwell on those accomplishments… but never forget that the solution to your problems will always necessitate unwavering efforts in the form of honest communication, decisive action, and an unlimited wealth of support for each other.

You two are the Fellowship of these Rings. May they be the light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out. I know I speak for everyone here that we are confident in both of your abilities to uphold the promises and vows dictated last year and today.

CASSIE READING

Now please direct your attention to Cassie Clauson who will be reading aloud “The Art of Marriage” by Wilferd Arlan Peterson

The Art of Marriage by Wilferd Arlan Peterson, Read by Cassie Clauson

PRONOUNCEMENT

(JACK)

Thank you Cassie.

And now for the fun part… By the authority vested in me by the great state of Illinois, American Marriage Ministries, and the Cook County Commissioner, I now re-pronounce you husband and wife. Ian, you may kiss your bride.

(APPLAUSE)

Ladies and gentleman, I present to you for the second time… Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. and Mrs. Ian and Holly Middlebrook!

(APPLAUSE)

RECESSION

(PLAY OFF MUSIC, IAN/HOLLY EXIT, WEDDING PARTY EXITS, I EXIT, AUDIENCE FUCKS OFF TO WHEREVER USHERS GUIDE THEM)