Kevin L Stewart

Welcome everyone. Thank you for joining us today for this wonderful celebration as Bethany and Jesse join their hearts and pledge their love to each other.

Parents generally don’t get the privilege of presiding over these things. Bethany and Jesse had very specific requirements for their ceremony, and they knew I would not insist on changing anything or try to convince them to add something they didn’t want to satisfy the family or the audience. They also knew that I love nothing more than to talk in front of as many people as possible.

Being one of the parents, I was tempted to make this ceremony a string of embarrassing stories from Bethany and Jesse’s childhoods. I also thought about telling all the reasons why the four of us parents are so proud of these two. I could bore everyone to tears and it would be ok because lots of people cry at weddings, right?

Instead, I will tell one story, a quick story of their names. In the early ‘90s, Tami and David Jayne were big fans of western history and culture. They particularly liked the outlaws and gunslingers of America’s wild west. When they had a baby boy on the way, it was an easy choice to name him after one of the most famous gunslingers, the outlaw, Jesse James.

In 1995, Shawnda and I were trying to decide between Gage and Hunter for our baby on the way. When we found out it was a girl, we were stumped. I was in the middle of reading The Langoliers, by Stephen King. In that story, there is a drug addicted, wayward teenage girl named Bethany. The character was a mess, but the name reached out to me. I thought was a name that could go anywhere, a literary society, the boardroom, or wherever she wanted to go. So, we settled on Bethany.

By all accounts, Jesse and Bethany were pretty good kids. Jesse more so than Bethany, but neither got into any real trouble. They grew up with ambition, a desire to grow and learn, a sense of responsibility for themselves, and the community they belong to, and a love of family and friends. We are truly blessed that neither of them lived up to the examples of their namesakes! Tami, David, Shawnda, and I are so proud of you both. We are happy for the success you have made in life and that you have each other to share it with.

Ok, so that’s all of the parental stuff. Now for the wedding part…

Getting married requires only a trip to the courthouse, a quick meeting and a legal document. Many people choose this much less expensive and less stressful option. However, there is something about a wedding that has a strong appeal. Even for a younger generation that is set to forge its own path and turn tradition for the sake of tradition on its head. Even for them, the lure of the grand celebration is just too great.

So, why do we do it? Why do we all love a great wedding? From the grandiose weddings of royal families to a simple backyard get together with just a few friends and close family, we are always asking, “What’s the date?” “Where are you having the ceremony?” “How many people are you inviting?” “Where is the reception?” “Who is the best man?” “Who is the maid of honor?”

Throughout history, in every culture, religion, and society, there is a ceremony or ritual celebrating the beginning of a marriage.

In some cultures, the betrothed would not have met each other until today, the wedding day. The parents would get together and make arrangements for their children to be married. This is not an ancient tradition, long lost to history. This is still the current system used by many cultures in the East, including Punjab, India, where a friend of mine was recently wed to a women of his mother’s choosing.

Modern, western, liberalized cultures have elevated the freedom of the individual over the wishes of the parents. And in the most progressive of those cultures, people are free to marry at will. Any two competent adults may choose to marry each other, for whatever reasons that are important to them.

However, even with all this freedom of choice, people overwhelmingly choose love. Love is the universal binder that joins families, turns friends into best friends, motivates us to take care of our kids even when we don’t like them anymore, and it makes two people want to spend every waking moment together, and every moment apart, talking on the phone. “You hang up first.” “No, you hang up first.” Maybe texting has changed that.

But what is love? Clint Black tells us that love is something that we do. It isn’t a place we fall, or something that we’re in. It’s something that we do. First and foremost, love is a verb. To love. I love you, you love me. We love each other. It is not passive. It is an action.

From the song…

Love is certain, love is kind.

Love is yours and love is mine.

But it isn’t something that we find.

It’s something that we do.

It’s holding tight and letting go.

It’s flying high and laying low.

Let your strongest feelings show.

And your weakness too.

It’s a little and a lot to ask.

An endless and a welcome task.

Love isn’t something that we have.

It’s something that we do.

Love is an action. We love and we are loved.

In the song, “Nature Boy,” made famous by Nat King Cole, eden abehz wrote, “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and to be loved in return.” This simple line illustrates the importance of love in life. However, the line was written to fit the beautiful, haunting melody of the song. The message eden intended with the song was much different from the final version. The original line read, “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved, just to love and be loved.” He felt that the words, “in return” implied some kind of trade or deal. He said, “there is no deal in love.” He believed that love was not a contract or an exchange. Each person loves independently of the other.

By separating those two parts, we can look at them on their own. To love is easy. In the beginning, it comes naturally, without thought or choice. We just love, and we usually don’t even know why. Sometimes, we don’t even see it coming. Once it takes hold, we can’t stop. It isn’t something we can just turn off, or decide not to do. It persists, on its own. We can fight it, but it will be a long hard battle. If we give in to it, it will grow and bloom, until it touches every part of our being. Bethany loves Jesse. Jesse loves Bethany. Easy. Simple.

The other half, is not so simple. To be loved is a skill that must be learned. In the original line from the song, eden is stating that allowing yourself to be loved is the greatest thing you’ll ever learn. It requires you to let your guard down, to bare your chest to your partner’s blade. To allow yourself to be loved, you are also allowing yourself to be hurt, broken, or cast aside. This takes incredible trust or monumental courage. To offer your heart and happiness to your partner hoping to receive the same in return, but without guarantees. There is no deal in love. In the beginning, there is only hope. Bethany has learned to be loved by Jesse. Jesse has learned to be loved by Bethany. That was the hard part, but the payoff is so much greater.

When love is returned, and hope is fulfilled, a magical thing happens. Plans change, careers are diverted, futures are combined, two lives are joined. One day, you wake up and realize that you no longer think of your life as just for you. You don’t plan on what you will do or where you will go, in the singular use of “you.” Suddenly, everything is we, us, and ours.

My wife, Shawnda, asked me once, “Why did you marry me?” I say once, because she never asked again. Probably because I gave her some smart ass answer that sounded real funny in my head, but was highly insulting. She was quite embarrassed because we were very young, and there were several members of my family present that she had not met until that day. So, she has never asked again.

The real answer, the one I should have given that day, is that one day, I realized that whenever I thought about my future, she was in it. When I thought about joining the Navy and going away, I thought about when she would be able to move with me, living on base, and her being there when I returned to home port. When I thought about after the Navy, I thought about where we could live and raise our family. I loved you, and I had learned to be loved by you, and you returned the same to me.

Then, I could have followed that answer with some smart ass comment and it would have been at least slightly less embarrassing.

6 ½ years ago, at Metro Coffee Shop, Bethany was competing in her first poetry slam, an event she failed to tell her parents about so that we might come and watch, which might be why she didn’t tell us. In the back, hanging out with his friends was Jesse. He was immediately taken in by Bethany’s not too awful poetry (her description, not mine, or Jesse’s). He asked around and found that they had a friend in common. Jesse staged a fake setup so that these two could meet and make a connection the Milennial way, online. They were fast friends and an instant hit. They share the same sardonic view of life and the dark sense of humor to match.

Life happens, though, and these two lost touch with each other. School, work, life, etc. Bethany just started college, which took up most of her time and focus. Jesse wasn’t quite the hermit that we know today, so he was busy with friends. Their story was put on hold.

Sometime later, Bethany took an art class. One of her classmates was Jamie, Jesse’s sister. Bethany was reminded of how fond she had been of Jesse and decided to reconnect. Once again, they were an instant hit. Because they are Milennials, they moved in together like 5 minutes later.

Bethany and Jesse, you have created a life together. I life filled with laughter, books, Star Wars, books, D&D, books, lots of adventure, oh and books). You have adopted two dogs together, Sully and Sailor. You bought a house together, and you have made a home together.

One day, you realized that your futures were no longer expressed as mine and yours. Everything was we, us and ours. There was no point in the future where you imagined yourselves apart. So, because you are Millenials, after about 2 years of talking about it, on Christmas Eve last year, you decided to get married.

In choosing to marry, you will make a promise to each other. A promise to love each other, take care of each other, stand up for each other, and ultimately, to be there for each other. This promise will be made with a commitment to be there for each other, to love and be loved, together, for the rest of your lives.

Your family and friends have come here today to witness your pledge, support your decision, and to celebrate this moment with you because we believe in you and we love you and we want you to be happy.

We have come now to the words that you both want to hear the most today, the vows you have prepared. The vows that will join your lives and hearts and take you across the threshold into marriage.

Bethany,

Jesse,

A marriage is a voluntary and full commitment, made in the deepest sense, and to the exclusion of all others, for as long as you both shall live.

Bethany, do you take Jesse to be your lawfully-wedded husband?

B: I do.

Jesse, do you take Bethany to be your lawfully-wedded wife?

J: I do.

So to wrap this up, I'll ask you all to raise your glasses to Jesse and Bethany as we celebrate their new marriage.

May your marriage bring you all the

exquisite excitements a marriage should bring,

and may life grant you also patience, tolerance,

and understanding.

May you always need one another - not so much

to fill your emptiness as to help you know your fullness.

A mountain needs a valley to be complete;

the valley does not make the mountain less but more;

and the valley is more a valley

because it has a mountain towering over it.

So let it be with you and you.

May you need one another, but not out of weakness.

May you want one another, but not out of lack.

May you entice one another, but not compel one another.

May you succeed in all important ways with one another,

and not fail in the little graces.

May you look for things to praise, often say,

"I love you!" and take no notice of small faults.

If you have quarrels that push you apart,

may both of you hope to have good sense

enough to take the first step back.

May you enter into the mystery which is the awareness

of one another's presence - no more physical than spiritual,

warm and near when you are side by side, and warm and near

when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities.

May you have happiness, and may you find it making one

another happy.

May you have love, and may you find it loving one another!

(by James Dillet Freeman)

By the power vested in me by the State of Wyoming, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride!