Blayze Spooner

Dearly Beloved and Honored Guests,

We are gathered together here to join Steven Lopez and Emily Prosapio in the spiritual union of marriage.

This contract is not to be entered into lightly but thoughtfully and seriously, and with a deep realization of its obligations and responsibilities. Please remember that love, loyalty, and understanding are the foundations of a happy and enduring home.

When we are young we are told stories that end with the star crossed lovers getting married, promptly followed by "and they lived happily ever after." But the question is, did they? Was everything never ending bliss? You see, marriage, much like friendship, is a relationship where you must put in effort. It's a strange premise to think that being in love with someone isn't all that it takes, and that it takes understanding, compromise, and hard work to maintain the relationship.

We are also told that marriage and relationships are a 50/50 venture, but the truth is some days one, or both, of you aren't going to have 50 percent to give. Some days you [partner on my left] might come home and only have 10 percent and you [other partner] might have to put more effort in to make up the difference, and vice versa. Some days you may both come home and have 0 percent to give. When that happens, order takeout for dinner and enjoy eachother so you can start anew in the morning.

Steven Lopez and Emily Prosapio will now share their vows.

*(Vows)*

Do you Steven Lopez take this woman Emily Prosapio to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself unto her for as long as you both shall live?

*(Wait for Confirmation)*

Do you Emily Prosapio take this man Steven Lopez to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself unto him for as long as you both shall live?

*(Wait for Confirmation)*

Steven Lopez and Emily Prosapio will now exchange rings as a symbol of their love and commitment.

*(Ring Exchange)*

Before I continue, if there are any objections, we ask that you kindly and respectfully fuck-off into the river.

By the authority vested in me by American Marriage Ministries and the State of Tennessee I now pronounce you husband and wife!