Erica Xaviera Moreno

A Diane y Joel les gustaría comenzar la ceremonia honrando a sus seres queridos que no pudieron estar aquí hoy físicamente pero que están aquí con nosotros en espíritu: Margarito Romero, Consuelo Hernández, Lladira Martínez, Vilma Madrid, Salvador Quiñones, y Zella Núñez. Sabemos que están con nosotros hoy. Un momento de silencio.

pause for moment of silence

Please be seated.

​​Dearly Beloved,

We are gathered here today to celebrate my debut as a wedding officiant … and maybe my last if this doesn't go smoothly. But more importantly, we are here to join Diane Quinones and Joel Vasquez in the spiritual union of marriage. Diane and Joel are grateful that you’ve made the journey to be with them today whether traveling down the street or across the country. Each of you holds a special place in their hearts... unless you're a plus one just here for the free food and drinks. In that case, welcome too! They are so thankful you all are here to share in their joy and happiness. I know Diane and Joel would like to thank their parents especially, for their unconditional love and guidance. I know you will continue to lead and inspire them as they begin their new life together.

It's always remarkable when two people find the one who makes their life complete. Someone who fills it with joy and happiness. Luckily, they have both found me. For those of you who I haven't had the honor to traumatize yet, my name is Erica Moreno and I am so honored to be officiating the wedding of not just one … but two of my very good friends. My story begins with Diane back in 2005 when our biggest concerns were how many pies she could help me sell for a school fundraiser or if we’d be doing hard time for accidentally dining and dashing. Those years were filled with lots of singing, baking, plenty of laughter … and maybe a few questionable decisions. As for Joel, he may kill me if I share my actual first memory of him, so let’s just say we met in high school and let's just say thank god he got rid of those long braids! Joel and I officially met at Revere High. Where are my fellow Revere Patriots at? Joel and I bonded over our shared love for food … and gossip! Our friendship grew stronger over plates of warm, cheesy dollar pupusas and the latest news on who had gained 20 pounds. Spoiler alert, It was me.

Now, you're probably wondering how we ended up at this beautiful country club in Canton today. Well, every year on the Saturday before Thanksgiving, Revere holds a special tradition where senior girls from different school districts play a friendly football game. As someone who loves being in the spotlight, I made sure to invite everyone I knew to come and watch me dominate. Little did I know that while I was creating magic on the field, Joel was working his magic in the stands. He tried to be suave by offering a poor, freezing Diane a hot beverage. The debate between whether it was hot chocolate or coffee is ongoing but regardless, she turned him down.

See, Diane is not your average girl. She's not impressed by ordinary gestures. It takes something truly unique to catch her attention. So it wasn't until later that day when we all went out to dinner, that Joel did something that caught her off guard. He asked .. “are you going to finish that” as he pointed to her leftovers. Huh? A complete stranger asking another stranger to eat their leftovers? Weird, am I right? So obviously when Joel asked for her number a few weeks later, she agreed! Who would have thought that Joel's love for food would lead him to find the love of his life? For the next 15 years, Diane and Joel did what they love best: going on dates to their local bookstores, traveling around the world, taking romantic hikes, and of course, eating delicious food together. They've also crushed some impressive milestones together! High school and college graduations, new jobs and careers, running four marathons, buying their first home, and graduating from the police academy! You two make “building an empire” look so effortless. I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are so excited to see what else you two accomplish. And I especially look forward to the day you both defy genetics and have your blue eyed babies.

They say the highest happiness on earth is marriage but marriage won't always be filled with joy and ease. There will be days that feel like storms, and moments where you question your decision to marry. But no worries, I’ve consulted the best of the best for advice on how to weather those tough times. Your wedding party suggested going on a run together when things get bumpy or starting a tradition of weekly pizza nights. Always remember all the amazing things that you have accomplished together. Diane, don't forget the little things that make you love Joel, like how much he reminds you of a young Mark Wahlberg or like how much you adore finding his signature apples with a single bite taken out of them. We love a compost king. And Joel, when things get gloomy, just remember Diane’s funky dance moves. And remember, never go to bed angry and most importantly, happy wife, happy life!

This contract is not to be taken lightly, but rather with careful consideration and a deep understanding of its obligations and responsibilities. Love, loyalty, empathy, and communication should be the cornerstones of your happy and lasting home. The contract also states that in exchange for agreeing to officiate this union, I am granted unlimited Get Out of Jail Free cards and telehealth consultations - a perk I am greatly looking forward to. Thank you for entrusting me with this important role in your lives.

It is now time for Diane and Joel to share their vows.

*(Joel reads vows)*

*(Diane reads vows)*

Diane, do you promise to take Joel to be your lawfully wedded partner, to hold and cherish him in sickness and in health, through the good times and the bad, for better or worse, keeping yourself devoted to him for as long as you both shall live?

*(Wait for Confirmation)*

Joel, do you promise to take Diane to be your lawfully wedded partner, to hold and cherish her in sickness and in health, through the good times and the bad, for better or worse, keeping yourself devoted to her for as long as you both shall live?

*(Wait for Confirmation)*

Rings are a timeless representation of the promises that have been made between Diane and Joel on this important day. They will now exchange rings as a symbol of their enduring love and dedication to each other.

*(Ring Exchange)*

Joel, repeat after me “With this ring, I vow to love and honor you from this moment forward.”

Diane, repeat after me “With this ring, I vow to love and honor you from this moment forward.”

Ladies and gentlemen, we’re almost at the end! Before we finish, let’s just take a moment to reflect on why we’re all gathered here today, and the hopes and wishes we all hold for this couple. Diane and Joel, it's such a special, rare occasion to have all of your family and friends in one place like this. I ask that you turn toward your loved ones and see the joy on their faces. Soak it all in...just like we will be doing later at the open bar.

*Diane and Joel face the crowd*

Family and friends, now it’s your turn. This goes for bridesmaids and groomsmen as well. You have all been chosen to be here because of the significant impact you have had on Diane and Joel's lives. Will you continue to support them as they embark on this journey of marriage? And when I declare them officially married in just a few moments, will you make some noise with me? Let's practice by shouting "WE DO!" On the count of 3: 1...2...3! (We do!)

By the power vested in me by American Marriage Ministries and the State of Massachusetts, I now pronounce the newlyweds, Diane and Joel! You may now kiss the bride!