Allison Elisabeth Banbury

Ceremony

Allison: Please be seated.

Welcome, everyone, and thank you for the honor of your presence at the joining of Julia Muhlenfeld and David Magee in the spiritual union of marriage. Julia and David asked that I also acknowledge some loved ones who are unable to be with us today: David’s daughters, Ashleigh and Madison, his brother Buck and his late father Rick, as well as Julia’s late parents, Bill and Rosemary.

The contract of marriage is not to be entered into lightly, but thoughtfully and seriously, and with a deep realization of its obligations and responsibilities. Julia and David’s love story has literally been a lifetime in the making, so I trust they’ve had plenty of time to give this decision some thought.

In considering what to say on this joyous occasion, I took inspiration from an unlikely source. When Julia told me what David did for a living, I knew right away that he would possess certain qualities critical in successful relationships: patience, a sense of humor, optimism, the ability to embrace imperfection. But, I still had to check this guy out, right? I had to make sure he was worthy of my beautiful, loving, loyal cousin. So, I started where all good, sound investigations begin: Facebook. Well, it didn’t take long to see that David was the real deal. I found posts upon posts of David cheering on his daughter’s basketball team, David celebrating with his colleagues and students at work and–my personal favorite–his “t-shirt of the day” posts, where David showcases messages on his students’ t-shirts. I’d like to use some of those quotes, today, to say a bit about the union of marriage.

The first shirt that caught my attention was a play on Rick Astley’s infamous hit song “never gonna give you up,” with the words “never give up” in all caps. I love both of these sentiments for today’s occasion, since it’s important for marriage to be entered into with the intention that you’re never going to let this person go–that you’re going to hold fast to each other’s hearts and spirits, and that you’re in this thing until the end of time. Relevant, too, is the idea of never giving up. After all that y’all have been through to get to this point, may you never, ever give up on each other.

Another t-shirt that caught my eye read “Chase the sun.” I believe “chase the sun” is another way of reminding us to look for the good, to actively pursue happiness, and to assume positive intent. Life can be hard; partnership can have its tough moments. But if we commit to chasing the sun–to seeing the best in one another–I believe we can move through those moments with grace and generosity and kindness.

I don’t need to spend a lot of time on the t-shirt that read “Headed home to see my dog,” although the fact that David is a dog person is another HUGE plus in my book, as well as Julia’s. In another post from around the time of Julia and David’s engagement, however, David showcased a t-shirt that read “love wins.” And I think that’s what we’re all witnessing today. Love winning: winning over the passage of time, over the miles, and over life’s many and inevitable twists and curves. Love is winning out today.

And this doesn’t surprise me, because my cousin is the epitome of love. She loves unconditionally, and with her whole heart. And nothing–nothing–is more important to her than family. This diamond ring I’m wearing today was given to me by Julia shortly after we reconnected about 20 years ago. It belonged to our great grandmother–our grandfather’s mother. I wasn’t aware of the ring’s existence; Julia didn’t have to mention it to me at all, let alone hand it over to a then-distant cousin whom she barely knew. But when I tried to refuse it, Julia was adamant. You’re family, she said, without a trace of doubt or indecision. It’s yours. Today, David, you become a part of Julia’s family, and that’s something really, really special. I know you can already feel the fierce love and loyalty that’s been extended to you, and will continue to be yours, without fail, for the rest of your lives together.

And now, I’d like to ask Ben Banbury to please come forward to share a reading.

(Ben Banbury steps forward)

To Love is Not to Possess, by James Kavanaugh

To love is not to possess,

To own or imprison,

Nor to lose one’s self in another.

Love is to join and separate,

To walk alone and together,

To find a laughing freedom

That lonely isolation does not permit.

It is finally to be able

To be who we really are

No longer clinging in childish dependency

Nor docilely living separate lives in silence,

It is to be perfectly one’s self

And perfectly joined in permanent commitment

To another – and to one’s inner self.

Love only endures when it moves like waves,

Receding and returning gently or passionately,

Or moving lovingly like the tide

In the moon’s own predictable harmony,

Because finally, despite a child’s scars

Or an adult’s deepest wounds,

They are openly free to be

Who they really are – and always secretly were,

In the very core of their being

Where true and lasting love can alone abide.

When finished, Ben returns to his seat.

Allison: Now, Julia and David, please face each other and join hands.

Julia, if it’s in your heart, you may repeat after me.

I, Julia, take you, David,

to be my husband,

to have and to hold from this day forward,

for better for worse,

for richer for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

to love and to cherish,

until we are parted by death.

This is my solemn vow.

David, if it’s in your heart, you may repeat after me.

I, David, take you, Julia,

to be my wife,

to have and to hold from this day forward,

for better for worse,

for richer for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

to love and to cherish,

until we are parted by death.

This is my solemn vow.

Julia and David have elected to exchange rings as a symbol of their love and commitment.

A ring is an unbroken circle, with ends that have been joined together, and it represents your union. It is a symbol of infinity, and of your infinite love. When you look at these rings on your hands, be reminded of this moment, your commitment, and the love you now feel for each other.

Julia, place the ring on David's finger and repeat after me:

David, I give you this ring/ as a symbol of my love/ with the pledge to love you/ today, tomorrow, always, and forever.

And now...David, place the ring on Julia's finger and repeat after me:

Julia, I give you this ring/ as a symbol of my love/ with the pledge to love you/ today, tomorrow, always, and forever.

(PRONOUNCEMENT)

Julia and David, before these witnesses, you have pledged to be joined in marriage. You have sealed this pledge with your wedding rings.

And so now, in the presence of those who have gathered together today to bear witness to your marriage, and by the authority vested in me by the State of Maryland, it is with great joy that I now pronounce you husband and wife!

David, you may kiss your beautiful, beautiful bride.

(Recessional Music begins)

Allison says over the music: Julie and Dave invite everyone to celebrate with them in the Club Room just behind these doors; thank you so much for coming and let’s go join them!