Robert Gilliam Herwitz Neal

As a few of you know, we were THIS close to having today’s ceremony in Italy. I was all for it, encouraged it actually, which got me into a little bit of trouble, but fortunately we’re having it here, at this positively stunning B&B, not Tuscany, but so much better because we’re all here together. However, if you honeymoon in Italy, there’s nothing saying, I might not show up, and take you to dinner in Positano (whisper – please honeymoon in Italy).

Nevertheless, as an homage to a wedding in Italy I’ve been practicing my Italian. You might want to buckle up.

I had an older cousin in Tuscany who was possibly leaving me her villa, didn’t happen, obviously, so very sad, because if she had, we’d be having this there, for sure, but I picked up some Italian back then and practiced a little to inject a little flavor into today’s event. Be sure to take notes for the wedding cake voucher pop-quiz immediately following the ceremony…

Signore e signori, benvenuti. Oggi siamo riuniti per celebrare l'unione di Kate e Cody, un'occasione molto propizia (look of ‘why isn’t anyone applauding’)

Now, as every one of you also knows, we are marrying quite an unusual, unique couple, and maybe one of the most unique I’ve ever known. I say this because I haven’t known many people who were accepted to three ivy league universities and after careful and exhaustive deliberation, decided on a career as an Esthetician (a choice I fully embrace). la bellezza sopra ogni altra cosa

I’ve also, never, I can say with total confidence, met anyone who posts SO MANY Instagram pictures, most notably one I can never unsee, including a truck, a gun, and a sock. Bizzaro

But, out of fairness, we do have to look to our parents. A mother who is obsessed with horses, and another who is obsessed with horse-power. They share equal fervor though the later performs stressful, death-defying, stunts, usually, unwillingly. come dio mi è testimone

However, on the flip side, they are two of the most amazing parents I’ve ever met; committed in a way one seldom sees and why we have a young woman who has become so absolutely magnificent.

We have another set of parents, and though I don’t know them well, realize just how unique they must be to raise a young man like this one. The freedom to be utterly inquisitive at every turn, and the confidence to perform some of the most dazzling acts of anarchy. These can only come from an environment that supported freedom of thought and creativity. Yet, we have a deeply pious young man, who loves his faith, and will also grow to become a parent as amazing as any we know. Grazie Signore’!

Now, this is my first Officiation and quite the honor to have been asked. It demonstrates that these two are risk-takers and means we will bear witness to some equally interesting decisions as life unfolds. Exciting. But today isn’t about me, or the parents, but a remarkable celebration, a magical gift of life, unique to we humans, a gift to family now and family to come. So, a little more Italian, viva la familia!

In many faiths, today is a joining that lasts a lifetime, and some say for eternity which makes it not just a physical binding but a spiritual one. Thus, after today, these two will potentially be together through all space and time making this is a karmic match too, per sempre, and we’re blessed enough to bear witness to it, affirm it, and thus, become a part of it. This means we are sharing in their journey now, and always, so what a gift that is to us. benedizione a tutti

In the book, “The Art of a Good Marriage” we’re reminded that a good marriage doesn’t just happen, it’s created. In marriage, the little things are the big ones; never being too old to hold hands or remembering to say, “I love you,” at least once a day. It also takes patience, kindness…and a constant fight against the urge to respond with something snarky when you know it’ll go better if you just keep it zipped. tienilo chiuso

It’s also about writing a shared story, one that unfolds moment by moment, consequently, there will be times of joy, and sorrow, elation, and tribulation but these will all be woven into the marvelous texture that becomes your life together. This is of course where one simply has to enter a poem;

Marriage is about giving and taking

Forging and forsaking

Kissing and loving, pushing and shoving

Caring and sharing, screaming and swearing

About being together whatever the weather

About being driven to the end of your tether

About sweetness and kindness

And wisdom and blindness

It’s about being strong when you’re feeling weak

About saying nothing when you’re dying to speak

It’s about being wrong when you know you are right

About giving in, before the fight

It’s about you two living as cheaply as one

(you can give us a call if you know how that’s done!)

Never heeding advice that was always well-meant

Never counting the cost until it’s all spent

And for you two today it’s about to begin

And for all that the two of you had to put in

Some days filled with joy, and some days with sadness

Too late, you’ll discover that marriage is madness.

But since we all know God doesn’t make mistakes, as we think about all these layers to be, we can remember that on the other side of discord there is accord, your personalities, together, are just as they should be, because, after all, isn’t discord our greatest teacher. Thus, we can be deeply grateful that marriage is a celebration of growth. Mi aiuti a crescere

All the moments these two will share posting pet pics on TikTok, arguing about whose turn it is to speak next, making amends after the search party has returned, evil pranks with coworkers, arguing with family about how long you should have been allowed to surf, these and so much more will be part of that story along with many moments in between.

Those may be some of the best. Bucolic evenings staring at the moon in Idaho, dashing through the Phoenix heat to an air-conditioned movie theatre, or swimming through the humidity in Texas to take a dip in the pool, will all be recorded in the history you make with one another, with us, and eventually, maybe sooner than later, children. Alla vita!

Now, no matter what life will throw at you, you’ll know there is always going to be at least one person who accepts you just as you are, loves you no matter what, and is ready to take any stray bullet that might inadvertently head your way during a hunting trip with the in-laws.

Money comes and money goes, but success in life, real, genuine, success, is determined by the currency of your relationship. Through that you’ll gain a sense of confidence that will motor you through all the untimely high-heel purchases when what you really needed was a new fridge, or finding another drone stuck behind some boxes in the garage when you needed new tires on the truck. Through your imperfections you will ultimately forge what is the perfection that is your love.

Despite global warming, famine, water shortages, and power outages, you’ll be able to trust the rock-solid life you’ve built as a team. Assuming we survive, you’ll have plenty of responsibility ahead of you. Buying cars for all 5 of your children, new side-by-sides to replace the ones they wrecked, proms dresses, weddings, college, and many, many trips to the emergency room, if genetics has anything to do with it. Dio ci aiuti

All these you’ll share finding the way, together.

As you age, health begins to fail, your knee goes out, statistically Kate, you’re be left to govern as the Matriarch alone. Fortunately, you have a Teslabot by your side to help, but despite everything you might do to prepare you may still find yourself coming up short. You may find yourself defending food and water alone with some of the weapons supplied by your brother-in-law and sister, but Cody will have taught you how to aim. The many strengths you’ll forge from this very relationship will propel you through any of life’s challenges.

This is the magic of marriage, union with another soul, equal, even if you’re different in every conceivable way, yet made impenetrable through this very joining of spirit. Today, this singular, amazing, dazzling day, is the grandest of all gestures, a celebration of melding together, and the alteration to everything in the universe because of it.

Questo cambia tutto – this, changes it all

So, Carissimi, siamo qui riuniti, oggi per unire, queste due anime, amate e deliziose, nell'amore, nella vita e nello spirito

Or…are we ready to get these two married?! Affirm with a ‘Si!

Alright, I think we’re ready. But, before you pledge your vows to one another, let’s pause for a moment and take in the beauty that surrounds us here. Take a look at your guests and feel their love for you – as well as the love you have for each other.

Dearly beloveds, we are gathered here today to unite these two souls, beloved and delightful, in love, in life, and in spirit. Katherine Acevedo, and Cody Hinkle.

Katherine, please repeat after me:

I promise to…

not tell you how to drive, to cherish you, but not obey - because that’s creepy and I do vow to never stop playing with you – to love you as my best friend, lover, and partner in life.

So, then, I take it Kate, that you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have, and to hold, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, social posting or no social posting, for now, tomorrow, and for all eternity as death, even death, can never part you.

Please signify with: Io faccio

Cody Henkle, man of men, most fascinating and interesting, questioning of all people, please repeat after me:

I promise to share the covers, leave the toilet seat down, and not leave my dirty socks on the floor. Most of all, I vow to never stop playing with you – to love you as my best friend, lover, and partner in life.

So, then, I take it Cody, that you take Kate, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have, and to hold, for better or worse, in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer, colicky babies included, (because universal pay-back is just that way) for now, tomorrow, and for all eternity as death, even death, can never part you?

Also, please signify with: Io faccio

Then Kate, please place the ring you have for Cody on Cody’s finger…Bellissima

Cody, please place the ring you have for Kate on Kate’s finger…Bellissimo

Then, now, through the oddly legal power that has been peculiarly vested in me by the state of Arizona, by the love that has brought you here today, by the vows and rings you have exchanged in the presence of your loved ones, I am now able to pronounce you Husband and Wife!

Cody, potresti per favore baciare la tua sposa? Kiss!

Family and Friends, it is my extraordinary delight to present as newlyweds, Cody and Kate Hinkle. Mangiamo la torta - let us eat cake!