Jason C Haire

INTRODUCTION

OFFICIANT (TO CONGREGATION):WELCOME..WELCOME..

FAMILY, FRIENDS, OTHERS WHO ARE NOT QUITE SURE WHY THEY’RE HERE, WELCOME AND PLEASE BE SEATED - JUST KIDDING

JET AND KELLY ASKED ME TO BE YOUR HOST FOR THE NEXT MINUTE OR SO. THEY HAVE REQUESTED A SHORT WEDDING CEREMONY AND I DON’T WANT TO DISAPPOINT, SO LET’S NOT WASTE TIME WITH ALL THAT MUSHY STUFF! IT’S TRADITIONAL FOR THE OFFICIANT, THAT WOULD BE ME, TO GIVE A SPEECH ABOUT LOVE AND COMMITMENT AND TWO HEARTS BECOMING ONE, WHICH IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS, MEDICALLY SPEAKING, BUT IN THE INTEREST OF TIME LET ME JUST SAY: LOVE, COMPASSION, FRIENDSHIP, PLAYFULNESS, AND KINDNESS, YOU KNOW STUFF LIKE THAT. TRY YOUR BEST TO DO ALL THOSE THINGS AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. SINCE NO ONE HERE OBJECTS, AS SEEN BY THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS GATHERED HERE, LET’S ZOOM PAST ALL THE BORING STUFF AND GET RIGHT TO THE “I DO” PART.

DECLARATION OF INTENT

JET AND KELLY HAVE CHOSEN TO EXCHANGE THEIR VOWS TONIGHT IN A PRIVATE CEREMONY, WHICH WE ARE NOT A PART OF. I MEAN..WE ARE FAMILY GUYS..BUT WHATEVER. IT’S FASTER THIS WAY. LET’S MOVE ON.

VOW/RING EXCHANGE

OFFICIANT: BEN – MAY I HAVE THE RINGS?

PLACE RINGS ON EACH OTHER FINGERS AND REPEAT AFTER ME. THIS RING IS MY PROMISE TO ACCEPT YOUR IMPERFECTIONS AND APPRECIATE ALL THAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL.

OFFICIANT: KELLY -DO YOU WANT THIS GUY AS YOUR HUSBAND? TO CHERISH AND HOLD AND ALL THE OTHER THINGS THEY SAY IN THE MOVIES?

OFFICIANT: JET - DO YOU WANT THIS GAL TO BE YOUR WIFE? TO CHERISH AND HOLD AND ALL THE OTHER THINGS THEY SAY IN THE MOVIES?

RINGS ARE CIRCLES, SO ARE DONUTS, HULA HOOPS AND TRAMPOLINES. WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY IS LET THESE RINGS, NOT ONLY BE A SYMBOL OF YOUR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER BUT ALSO A REMINDER TO BE SWEET, HAVE FUN AND TAKE THE TIME TO UNDERSTAND THE RHYTHM OF THE BOUNCE.

CLOSING STATEMENT

OFFICIANT (TO CONGREGATION):

I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY JET AND KELLY WERE IN A RUSH. YOU CAN TELL THEY ARE SO IN LOVE THEY JUST WANTED TO BE MARRIED ASAP! I GET IT. THEN THE THOUGHT ENTERED THEIR HEADS…HEY LET’S GET THE GOVERNMENT INVOLVED AND MAKE IT OFFICIAL. NOTHING EVER GOES WRONG WHEN THAT HAPPENS. OK CALM DOWN PEOPLE.

OFFICIANT (TO COUPLE):

IN THIS MAD DASH WORLD WITH THOUSANDS OF THINGS DEMANDING YOUR ATTENTION 24/7, DON’T FORGET TO SLOW DOWN EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. ENJOY EACH OTHER – AND YOUR NEW, WONDERFUL LIFE TOGETHER.

PHOTO OP TIME PEOPLE – GET YOUR CAMERAS READY!

JET - YOU MAY KISS YOUR BRIDE… AND PLEASE, TAKE YOUR TIME.

PRONOUNCEMENT

OFFICIANT (TO CONGREGATION):

BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY THE AMM AND THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, IT IS MY HONOR TO OFFICIALLY INTRODUCE THE NEWLYWEDS - JET AND KELLY TURNER. LET THEM HEAR IT!