Thomas Szymanski

Profoundly Beloved and Honored Guests,

We are gathered here today, at this beautiful mansion (WHAT?) to join Travis Nathan Oberlander and Rachel Mattie Lane in the union of marriage.

Before we get started, I wanted to give you all a moment to take your photographs for the Gram. #hepickedalane As you may have already been told, this in an unplugged ceremony, so get your jollys in while you can.

While you are all plugged in, I give you this unplugged version of "More Than Words".

Thank you. Turn off your phones.

This is a spiritual union, which sounds perfect for the folks in this room who believe in the healing power of crystals (which is real); but it is also a legal union. A contract. A formal and legally binding agreement. Don't worry, we'll talk about love in a little bit; this is the part where I scare them. This contract is not to be entered into lightly but thoughtfully and seriously, and with a deep realization of its obligations and responsibilities. Please remember that love, loyalty, and understanding are the foundations of a happy and enduring home.

As a man of the world and an expert on love and marriage, made manifest by my completely free and instant online ordainment, I'd like to share a few quotes from people who are infinitely smarter and wiser than I am to confirm those foundations.

On love to aspire to: "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." - Beautifully put by French Author, André Maurois

On the relationship between loyalty and love: "Loyalty and devotion lead to bravery. Bravery leads to the spirit of self-sacrifice. The spirit of self-sacrifice creates trust in the power of love." - From legendary Martial Artist, Morihei Ueshiba

And on understanding versus knowledge: "Understanding is deeper than knowledge. There are many people who know you, but very few who understand you." - Powerful words from one of our most brilliant, living minds, Nicolas Cage.

Travis and Rachel will now share their vows while we all eavesdrop, cry, and make it about us. (You have them in your pocket)

*(Vows)*

We now move to the declaration of intent. I will speak to you each individually. Simply listen to the words, look deeply into each others' eyes, and when the person to whom I'm speaking hears me stop talking... say, "I do."

Do you Travis Nathan Oberlander take this woman Rachel Mattie Lane to be your lawfully wedded partner, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself unto her for as long as you both shall live?

*(Wait for Confirmation)*

Do you Rachel Mattie Lane take this man Travis Nathan Oberlander to be your lawfully wedded partner, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself unto him for as long as you both shall live?

*(Wait for Confirmation)*

Travis and Rachel will now exchange rings as a symbol of their love and commitment.

*(Ring Exchange)*

By the surging power vested in me by American Marriage Ministries and the State of California I now pronounce you husband and wife!

You do not need my permission to do so, but I strongly encourage you to kiss.